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Everything posted by Vera

  1. I have been thinking all day about this. Most of us had to deal with "invalidation" in some form or another. It can be someone minimizing your experience, even avoiding you because of it, or just saying the wrong thing. Sometimes stupid comments are made by friends or relatives, those closest to you and whose opinion you value the most, or by random strangers. Either way, they hurt. No wonder survivors often have a huge problem with trust...sometimes we learn not to trust to protect ourselves. I thought I'd make a list of some of the stupid remarks that have been said to me together with my replies (Most of the time I didn't say anything but I'll write what I now wish I had said back then) "This is an unpleasant issue" Huh, really? You know it was so pleasant for me to live it. "My life is still worse then yours" I'm sorry, are we having a contest? Feel free to share any stupid comment you heard and maybe we can find a way to laugh at them together
  2. England

    North Barnsley Sexual Abuse & Rape Crisis Helpline email: bsarch.bsarch@virgin.net Helpline: 01226 298560 Open Tues, Wed, Thurs evenings 6 - 8pm Website: http://www.bsarch.org Barnsley Sexual Abuse & Rape Crisis Helpline email: bsarch.bsarch@virgin.net Helpline: 01226 298560 Open Tues, Wed, Thurs evenings 6 - 8pm Website: http://www.bsarch.org Darlington and Co. Durham RASACC Rape & Sexual Abuse Counselling Centre PO Box 106, Darlington, Co. Durham, DL3 7YS Helpline: 01325 369933 Tuesdays and Thursdays: 6.30pm - 9pm Hanley - Women's Rape and Sexual Violence Service in North Staffordshire Based in Hanley, Stoke on Trent Helpline: 01782 221000 Office: 01782 221005 (answerphone) Mondays to Fridays: 10am - 4pm info@wrsvs.org.uk Kirklees Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Centre PO Box 230, Huddersfield, West Yorkshire HD1 1BD Helpline: 01484 450040 Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays: 1pm - 4pm Sheffield Rape Crisis SHEFFIELD Rape & Sexual Abuse Counselling Service PO Box 34, Sheffield, S. Yorkshire, S1 1UD Helpline: 0114 244 7936 Thursdays 6pm-8pm Friday 1pm-3pm email: info@srasacs.org.uk Mid-England Cambridge Rape Crisis Centre Box R, 12 Mills Road, Cambridge, CB1 2AD Helpline: 01223 245888 Wednesdays: 7pm - 9pm Website: http://www.cambridgerapecrisis.co.uk/ Darlington and Co. Durham RASACC DARLINGTON & CO DURHAM Rape & Sexual Abuse Counselling Centre PO Box 106, Darlington, Co. Durham, DL3 7YS Helpline: 01325 369933 Tuesdays and Thursdays: 6.30pm - 9pm GLOUCESTERSHIRE Rape Crisis (Gloucester) PO Box 16, Gloucester, GL4 0RU Helpline: 01452 526770 Mondays to Wednesdays: 7.30pm - 8.30pm Thursdays: 11.30am - 12.30pm Fridays: 7.30pm - 8.30pm Leicester Rape Crisis Rape Crisis Leicester Leicestershire and Rutland PO Box 7402, Leicester LE1 6WD Helpline: 0116 255 8852 Office: 0116 255 5962 Minicom: 0116 254 8277 Tuesdays - Fridays: 10am - 4pm Wednesday evenings: 6.00pm - 9.00pm Manchester Rape Crisis - Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Service PO Box 336, Manchester M60 2BS or The Pankhurst Centre, 60 – 62 Nelson Street, Manchester M13 9WP http://www.manchesterrapecrisis.co.uk
  3. Fb Design

    Definitely not! We are looking to re-design the forum soon and we will hopefully be able to re-create a skin as similar as our old one as possible. The upgrade changed so many of the board's features that the old skins became all incompatible. I don't personally like Luminous very much but I don't see a resemblance with FB. I don't even have a personal FB page though so I'm not the best frame of reference.
  4. This post is in reply to Dawn's struggle to free herself from the darkness. I find this story very inspiring, in fact, it inspired the title of my personal website. From the book Healing The Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw A Parable: The Prisoner In The Dark Cave There once was a man who was sentenced to die. He was blindfolded and put in a pitch dark cave. The cave was 100 yards by 100 yards. He was told that there was a way out of the cave, and if he could find it, he was a free man. After a rock was secured at the entrance of the cave, the prisoner was allowed to take his blindfold off and roam freely in the darkness. He was to be fed only bread and water for the first 30 days and nothing thereafter. The bread and water were lowered from a small hole in the roof at the south end of the cave. The ceiling was about 18 feet high. The opening was about one foot in diameter. The prisoner could see a faint light up above, but no light came into the cave. As the prisoner roamed and crawled around the cave, he bumped into rocks. Some were rather large. He thought that if he could build a mound of rocks and dirt that was high enough, he could reach the opening and enlarge it enough to crawl through and escape. Since he was 5'9", and his reach was two feet, the mound had to be at least 10 feet high. So the prisoner spent his waking hours picking up rocks and digging up dirt. At the end of two weeks, he had built a mound of about six feet. He thought that if he could duplicate that in the next two weeks, he could make it before his food ran out. But as he had already used most of the rocks in the cave, he had to dig harder and harder. He had to do the digging with his bare hands. After a month had passed, the mound was nine and half feet high and he could almost reach the opening if he jumped. He was almost exhausted and extremely weak. One day just as he thought he could touch the opening, he fell. He was simply too weak to get up, and in two days he died. His captors came to get his body. They rolled away the huge rock that covered the entrance. As the light flooded into the cave, it illuminated an opening in the wall of the cave about three feet in circumference. The opening was the opening to a tunnel which led to the other side of the mountain. This was the passage to freedom the prisoner had been told about. It was in the south wall directly under the opening in the ceiling. All the prisoner would have had to do was crawl about 200 feet and he would have found freedom. He had so completely focused on the opening of light that it never occurred to him to look for freedom in the darkness. Liberation was there all the time right next to the mound he was building, but it was in the darkness.
  5. How awful of this person to say something so mean and so very STUPID. It really speaks of the type of person he is more than anything.
  6. Troubling Emoticon?

    It has been removed.
  7. Full Name Of Researchers

    Thanks for brining this issue to our attention. The full name of researchers will no longer be edited out.
  8. Humor And Silliness

    The issue should be fixed now and the Humor and Silliness forum should be active again as of now. Thank you for your patience.
  9. Is This True?

    No, moderators don't have access to members' private messages. Administrators have access to private messages in the sense that they have access to the entire database of the forum, as every part of what compromises the forum, every line of code, every setting, etc, has to be stored somewhere to function. In our case, we pay a monthly fee to our host to store all of our information and we have unlimited access to it. This is the same for virtually every website owner on the internet. Everyone who owns a forum on the internet has access to every part of his or her forum. Technical things aside, I believe the important question is: do administrators read members' private messages? The answer is no, we don't. Although standard Terms of Services, which again are pretty much the same for every website out there, give us permission to access all information stored on our server, we don't read members' private messages for a couple of reasons. 1. We believe members have a right to confidentiality when it comes to exchanging private messages. 2. Accessing private messages is not an easy 1-2-3. It is time consuming and, in layman terms, a real pain in the neck. In the past 8 years, I can count on one hand the times we had to go into the database and check someone's inbox. We have only done it in extreme situations, and whenever possible, with the permission of at least one of the two members involved in the exchange of private messages. Hope this helps.
  10. Cussing In Posts?

    Yup, you are absolutely correct. It's okay to use full cuss words in posts, but not in titles. And we do ask that members place a triggering warning in the title, so members who are sensitive to cuss words or who are triggered by them can choose not to read. Whenever possible, we really want members to use their voice as freely as they want, and censoring cuss words would go against it.
  11. Cussing In Posts?

    Hey there, I went to check our "Badword Filters" and did notice a lot more words had been added since the last time I looked, which I believe was done automatically when we last updated the board, so all the common swear words, like the f. one, were included. I fixed it and the only "bad words" left now are the ones we believe trolls could use to upset people and/or post sexually explicit messages with the intent of upsetting members. I'm gonna list the only censored words we have now below, in case any of you want to know which one they are. If you are triggered by explicit swear words and/or graphic, for some derogative, ways in which parts of the body can be referred to, please be safe and skip the spoiler tag. Thank you.
  12. Thank you for alerting us, Karen! It was my mistake... I'm not as good with html as I used to be. I think I have fixed it now. Let me know! P.S. The font never changed though. It was only the alignment of the text.
  13. Thank you for the suggestion, kenzo28. We now have a category for "Sexual Abuse By A Family Friend Or Neighbor."
  14. May I Have A Topic Deleted Please?

    Your topic has been removed. Big hugs and stay safe.
  15. Email Notifications

    I'm really sorry for the inconvenience that some of you are experiencing. I can certainly appreciate the importance of privacy and you all bring very valid points to the table. Unfortunately, to compromise the detail description of email notifications would also mean to compromise our keywords, which are in many cases responsible for how survivors find us through popular search engines like google, yahoo, etc. The email notification system borrows the title for the email from the complete title of the board, After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors. As I'm not aware of a way to separate the two, to change the title of the email notifications I would also need modify the title of our page (and therefore lose rich keywords that allow survivors to find us when they type things like "rape survivor message board" on a search engine).
  16. Can I Have A Topic Moved Please?

    Hey there, I'm sorry for the delay! The Humor and Silliness! forum is a private forum (it used to be public but we changed it a while ago), so no worries about privacy. Only registered members have access to the Humor and Silliness! forum.
  17. Thank You!

    Thank you very much for your kind words, hopeprays. And thanks to all the members who are here everyday, healing and supporting other survivors.
  18. Facebook And After Silence?

    We will definitely add a Facebook page for After Silence very soon and will post the link on the board!! It will be a public page, however, similar to the one RAINN and other organizations have on Facebook. For safety reasons, only AS staff can create and monitor any group/activity that is directly associated with After Silence.
  19. Italy

    Telefono Rosa Viale Mazzini, 73 00195 Roma 06-37518261/2 Online (Italian Version) Online (English Version)
  20. Further To My Closed Thread

    As stated in the previously closed thread, the moderators are discussing the issue and will reach a decision in a matter of days (most likely 1 or 2 days). In the meantime, please do not restart a topic that has been closed by a moderator. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
  21. Hi

    You may want to try this forum, specifically designed to support secondary survivors. Like Wishy said, if you post int the secondary survivors forum, you will likely receive support and a listening ear... but After Silence is not designed to provide crisis intervention in the exact moment in which someone posts.
  22. None Intercourse Rape

    Sorry for the delay! Here it is: Rape by Foreign Object Thread
  23. Facebook.

    RAINN had such a great idea! Thank you for bringing it to our attention, em. We move topics to keep the forums organized. This is the best forum for general questions about the board.
  24. Facebook.

    You can and we thank you for spreading the word and raising awareness. Only the administrators/owners of AS can create a page on facebook for this site. We haven't yet, but we may in the future. Linking to AS from your facebook profile or posting a banner is totally okay and we appreciate it.
  25. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and ideas. There is a pinned topic in the Secondary Survivor forum. Please feel free to use it to discuss issues of intimacy with secondary survivors. This will also help moderators understand if there is enough interest in the topic to justify a subforum. Relationship And Sexuality Discussions Between Survivors and Secondaries