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About AngelBea

  • Birthday 02/16/1987

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  • Gender
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    North Wales

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  1. First Timer

    Hi Ro, I'm new here too but wanted to extend my welcome, I'm mainly a lurker so far but AS is a really supportive environment- you've definitely come to the right place. I really admire your strength and determination to not give up. You'll get there- and as JenKitty says, you've made the first and most important step by joining Look forward to 'talking' to you! Xxx AB xxX
  2. Hello... Hope I Can Join You :)

    Thank you Jen- and Cuchulainn that does make me feel a great deal better. I think the question of whether what I experienced constituted as 'abuse' is what has help me back for all this time. I was known as a child to fabricate, exagerrate or downright lie in order to seek attention and I often wondered if my mind had played tricks onme, if I had perhaps exaggerated events as a justification for the overwhelming spectrum of emotions I experienced or if I had made it into something it wasn't in order to gain sympathy or attention. But realising that this hasn't gone away after 7 years- and that I can't fully talk about it to anyone- makes me realise that it must have been *something*. And actually, reading through some of the stories on here have really triggered memories and made me realise that yes, what happened was wrong- very wrong- and I'm not alone, or stupid for feeling the way I do. And Jen, it's comforting to know you didn't feel as though you'd 'got there' when you got married, as I sometimes feel wrecked with guilt about what I might be doing to my fiance- and wonder if the 'right' thing would be to break things off until I've sorted myself out!! Cuchulainn, you sound like an incredible person to be supporting your wife in this way and I have the upmost respect for you for doing so. She's incredibly lucky- and so are you Xxx AB xxX
  3. Hello... Hope I Can Join You :)

    Thank you so much for your replies and John, I really understand what you're saying about the importance of communication, and this is something I will be really working on. It was a conversation with my fiance that prompted me to come online today and seek some form of help or support... despite him being as understanding and patient as he can, I can't help but feel as though hearing me talk about what has happened to me in the past really hurts him and when I see him whince at the sound of my words, I know he wants to help but he feels helpless that he can't change what has happened. In some ways I wonder if the forum would be even more beneficial to him! But I need to open up and deal with things and I don't think he's the best person to fully unburden on. It would hurt him too much- and I worry he'll never see me in the same way again. Thank you TL- it's good to know theres no immediate pressure to bear my soul, so to speak, and I hope the more time I spend on here, the more comfortable I'll feel Xxx AB xxX
  4. Hello, I'm *Bea*, I'm 22 and currently living in Wales. I've stumbled across this forum and spent most of my morning reading through the various forums and really hope you won't mind me joining you. I could really do with the support, or at least just knowing I'm not alone. This seems like a wonderful community and you must all give eahc other so much strength. My 'experience' was 7 years ago at the age of 15 and I've never really had the chance to deal with it, to talk to anybody properly or move on. I suffered from severe depression as a result in my late teens, accumulating in self harm and an attempt on my life. Despite attending counselling during and after this, I never once talked about what happened to me. I don't even think I'm fully ready yet, but I desperately want to be- I need to be. It's time to stop being a victim and set myself on the road to recovery. I want to be one of you- I want to be a survivor. I became a mother to my beautiful son last year and I am fortunate to be engaged to a wonderful man, but my past seems to have a deadly hold on me and I'm genuinely fearful that I won't be able to escape my demons and it will inevitably destroy my relationship with my fiance or, worse still, my son. I'm tryng really hard to gather the strength to write my story but I just feel guilty that my experience wasn't 'bad' enough, that maybe I don't belong here and maybe I'm reading too much into it. I suppose a part of me just can't still accept it. I'm so sorry to babble. I look forward to getting to know you all better in time. Xxx Bea xxX