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Holly

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Everything posted by Holly

  1. Holly

    I'm Back

    It has been an insane amount of time since I last posted, but I'm back again. A lot has happened since I last posted--With my boyfriend of over 2 years, we recently moved to an entirely different city which is amazing because all of my past trauma took place in the city we were living in and one of my abusers was even living up the street from us. We moved about an hour away, I'm still working on my healing in a great new environment and even started filling out my The Courage to Heal workbook recently, which I have owned for almost 2 years and never even opened. I'm so glad to be back, this is my home page on my browser and I really want to make it a point to post here more, I've missed it. I still have my After Silence bracelet on, it hasn't come off in years and never will, so I think about healing and this forum and everyone who has always been so supportive of me every single day. I hope everyone is doing well!
  2. Thank you all so, so very much! I'm going to post more often, I really need to. I don't know why I keep straying away, but it won't be happening much anymore.
  3. It has probably been close to a year since I've been here. I've taken hiatuses before, but never one this long and I always seem to find my way back, thankfully. I have not been talking to my therapist as much as I used to anymore, I guess I felt as if I didn't need her so much anymore and call when I do and such, but since I'm not too great in the lines of communication with her (or anyone, really) I decided it would be wise to make myself known her again once more. It couldn't hurt, right? So hello there, I'm Holly.
  4. The idea of the little girl inside of me has been brought up in therapy with the two therapists I've had; however, the only time I can get a hold of my inner child is when I'm actually having a body flashback and can get to a piece of paper and a pen. She likes to write, I know this; I always did enjoy it and when I "come back" the writing is big, loopy, just like it was before and I can see she was trying to tell me something; that she's still hurting, that I'm not doing whatever I can to help her and that I'm hurting her. I try to find her during regular, functioning days and she's still hiding - how do I find her? I can see that she does have an impact on what I do in my every day life sometimes; like when I call off work because something (or someone) is telling me I need to stay in bed until mid-afternoon and then eat popcorn in front of the television and watch the movies I used to love. I did that yesterday and it felt amazing and it should have felt like we bonded or something, but after the calling off and the long bath and the relaxing, I still couldn't get her to come out. Maybe I just need to dedicate more time to finding her, or maybe she doesn't want to be found. Little Holly, I'm sorry. I know you're still hurting and I know I have to do something to help you feel better about everything, but I don't know what. I'm still so confused about it all and while the years pass by I only grow more confused and the events only get more hazy and tend to run together. Give me a chance to show you I can work on this, to help fix us both. Come out more often, don't be scared - there's nothing to be scared of anymore, I promise. No one is going to hurt you like they used to and I know you've heard this all before but this time I know it's true. I won't let anyone hurt you again, you just have to trust me. Always, 19-year-old Holly
  5. Holly

    Hello

    Welcome to AS! I hope you find what you're looking for here.
  6. Welcome to AS, I hope you become as happy here as I have been, although I haven't been around lately.
  7. Your name just made me think of Gilmore Girls -- good show. Welcome back, I know it's good to get away from here from time to time, but I'm quite glad you're back.
  8. Welcome back. I am so happy to hear a happy story around here! You've, in one post, given me strength and hope. Thank you.
  9. Holly

    I'm Back

    Welcome back. It doesn't matter how often you're around, just as long as you let us all know you're okay from time to time.
  10. Welcome to AS -- It isn't selfish in the least to want to talk to someone, it's why message boards like these are around in the first place.
  11. Hey, I remember you! Welcome, I hope you come to love this board as much as I do.
  12. It's okay to be scared - I was the first time I joined a website like this; it's scary to have to admit to yourself as well to other people what has happened to you. Good luck on your journey and I really hope you find what you are looking for.
  13. Welcome to our little piece of webspace. Congratulations on your effort to stop the silence and join us, we're glad to have you.
  14. Congratulations for taking this step and joining us. Welcome. I'm sure you'll come to love this place as much as we all do.
  15. Welcome back. I'm semi-new so I don't remember you, but I do especially love your user name. I love Bikini Kill.
  16. Holly

    New Here

    Welcome. I know you'll love this place because everyone is very very supportive and I've only been here for a few days, but I know I love coming here and seeing who else has joined our family and such.
  17. Welcome to AS! It's good to have you here, although it's sad to know the reason why we're all here to begin with. I know you will be able to connect with us, if you need anything at all don't hesitate to u2u me if I can help. I hope you have a great time posting here, I know that this place has helped me quite a bit in just the few days that I have been here. I hope it helps you just as much.
  18. I am going to stay up all night until I have to go to work tomorrow and post here for a while, surf online for a while, and then play The Sims until the sun comes up. Sounds like a splendid time to me! (I have Chronic Insomnia, I think...or something. I sleep a day away and I'm up for two more.)
  19. Holly

    New

    Thank you, everyone, for all of the welcomes. I feel at home!
  20. Holly

    New

    Thank you, everyone, for all of the replies. I feel at home already!
  21. I'm posting on this forum. In fact, I'm off of work today and I will sit at the computer and let the hours tick by on this forum. I'm really loving this place, thanks everyone.
  22. Holly

    New

    My name is Holly and I'm new here. I used to post over at Perfectly Still, but a friend gave me the link for this board, so here I am. I'm not really sure where to start, so I'll just leave it like this. I'm eighteen years old, live in Scranton Pennsylvania, and work as a Telemarketer. I'm pretty boring, really.
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