Thank you all for the nice welcomes.
I've always had a problem with admitting things....especially to myself.
Something in my mind has always made me feel that if I acknowledge or admit to bad things, that somehow makes them more "real." I've let me self get very sick before with physical illnesses because I felt that if I didn't go to the doctor, the illness wasn't real. I tend to do the same thing with events. If I refuse to validate them, in my mind...they never really happened.
Denial wears on you after awhile tho and I've decided it's time that I have to face the truth.