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Posts posted by MortalGoddess

  1. I thought it was my comp! Good to know I'm not the only one having problems. I'll try the other skin....this centered text makes my head hurt.


    Tulip appears fine...but that amount of pink....aaahhhh!! Eye strain!

    The IP skins (both of them) are also fine. Also very muted--it's blue/grey, so I'll stick with that until the problem is fixed. I do want to point out that that font in IP is small. I have my IE page settings for "largest" font, and where that usually makes it pretty big....it didn't touch these skins.

  2. Oooohhhh, I second this! I've gone on several job interviews, and while those are stressful enough, some of them create situations (such as a small office) that makes me panic and mess up even more. I could really use a job....and also tips from survivors on how to cope during interviews. It's stressful not having a job, trying to find one, thinking you got it...and then finding out you didn't.

  3. I think for newbies, if it is even possible for them to have their own color, it should be a choice. Maybe an option in their profile or the chat itself that is set for a month or so. If the mods decide to give it a try, I honestly think the newbies should have a choice in the final decision. After all...they're the ones who will be "colored". If they decide, I say make a new topic asking the newbies to weigh in. Would they find it too discriminatory or actually helpful?

    As for the male-female colors...I agree with Shido. I think it would become a form of discrimination or even unintentional segregation. I know when I go into chat, I don't think about the gender of the members....I just know I'm talking to other AS members.

  4. I've been thinking about this for a while but never got around to asking. Is there a way we can have the option to sort our new posts? I know they're sorted by time ("last action"). If someone really wants a topic they've already posted on, they could go to "my controls" to find it. I know for me I keep my lists of topics in "my controls" rather short...some people might have a long list of topics. But isn't there a way we can have an option to sort they for topic title/forum/starter?

  5. So was I. I normally don't care what people think....I can have whatever emails I want or be on whatever (legal!!) site I want. But there are days when I'm at uni and unstable/triggery...and the last thing I want is someone seeing the "other" part of the email title.

  6. I started topics for fear of opposite and same sex. I'm pretty sure they're in the "gathering place" forum. Don't have time to go look it up right now.

    As I said in both topics: I'm trying to show members how to get to the root of their fear (not that there's anything wrong with a "general" fear) and how to express it.

  7. However, saying that "I'm having trust issues with ________ as a result of my past traumas", would be an entirely different issue as the survivor is clearly trying to work on the issue, rather than just projecting those fears onto innocent bystanders via guilt by association.

    That is what I'm trying to get across. But my other topic....apparently I didn't do that well enough. I'm not trying to encourage prejudice and discrimination only that people look within themselves and find what they truly fear.

    I sometimes forget I haven't had the same long discussions about fear and the meaning behind it. To my RL friends (most of whom are male) if I say "I'm afraid of men" they realize I'm talking about specifics, not the general populace. As a whole, men don't fear me. Being alone with a person I don't know who happens to be male does; having my personal space invaded (by male or female) scares me. I'm also afraid of seeing an older female in a motherly way because I don't want to be ignored and rejected again; my mother basically ignored my abuse.

    For a long time I used very generalized, hateful and prejudice statements to describe my fears. Not only was I not mentally/emotionally ready to look at the why, I also didn't know how. I'm trying to help others find the strength to look for the specifics of their fear.

  8. I've noticed lately there's been a bit of...uproar regarding survivors and fearing the opposite sex (and comments members male about their fears). I was wondering if we could have a seperate topic/forum for survivors to talk about just their fear of the opposite sex. I know members start them, but it seems like they become forgotten easily. Or maybe a couple of chat nights? I know that by talking to other survivors (outside of the site) without worry that I'd be yelled at for describing my fears/beliefs, I was able to work past my fears.

  9. Petals: that sounds like a good idea. For simplicity's sake, maybe only the topic starters (and mods if asked to change the setting) should have the option for "enable SS to view" or something like that.

    What is interesting to me.

    The same issues that survivors struggle with in getting Self-help; Letting down defenses, being vulnerable, trusting, Being open, being honest.

    These same things exist on the forums. Then I wonder if the same issues that hinder the healing in life, are just perpetuated on the forums.

    Like a giant Catch-22.... or something down the rabbit hole(to make an unfortunate Lewis Carroll reference, but maybe he was a survivor too.)

    I agree with RiseandShine, this seems really insensitive; AS is a place where ALL these things happen. At their own pace, this is true, but they happen none the less. Yes, we survivors have issues with trust and being vulnerable. But show me a person, SAS or not, who doesn't. Show me one person who has NEVER in their entire life had these issues. Unless they have a medical or psychological condition which can cause them to be unable to feel/express emotions and/or empathize with others (this isn't a slam, just an example) then that's different. But the majority of people don't.

    I'm hoping you meant this to point out the obvious; that we have a harder time with these issues...

  10. From my alters:

    "You should have been P's w**re when he offered. Then you wouldn't be such a frigid b*itch too afraid to be naked in front of your mate." Um...wow, she was there, she's an alter. And at the time, she was saying something much different.

    "You chose to date Q, not us. E

    (an alter "created" to be Q's slave)

    is your fault, not ours. You should have done what he wanted."

    "Aaww, it didn't hurt that much."

    This was about a form of sexual SI that could have done a lot of damage.

    I think "hurt" is an understatement since I couldn't walk straight for a few hours.

    "What are you whining about, he didn't rape you."

    Thanks so much N. Yes, oral rape is much less traumatizing because it's not vaginal rape. So while I was choking during the act and having an asthma attack after...right, it wasn't horrible at all.


    "That must have hurt." No sh*t! Of course it hurt, I trusted him! ARGH!

    "Mmhm. What next? How did you feel?" Hello, a**hole, I told you not ten minutes ago I have alters and disocciate...do you not realize the reason "I'm" clawing at the toy dog in my hands is because I'm not exactly in a safe mindset. Wtf, don't ask something like that?! Do you even have a heart?

    (professor) "Are you ok?" Sure, I'm fine, I'm dropped my phone and am staring at you in shock because I had a flashback for the fun of it. Idiot! I hate that prof, and I have her next semester.

    (as suggested by Annieonymus) What I've said to myself:

    "I deserved it. I knew the warning signs, and after the first time, there was no excuse. That's what I get for staying."

    "There's a lot of survivors that have it a lot worse than you. Why are you crying?" Actually (no insult meant) but that seems to be common for a lot of people, survivors of any abuse or not.

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