Dear little juju
It's okay to have these feelings. I understand you are scared, frightened, terrifyed, and lonely. However, on that note, you are causing alot of trumoil in the adult Juju. We need to come to a compromise. Wanting to stay in bed all day just staring at four walls, and then up at night is taking their toll on me. The contiunous waves of nausea from food and drink, is making me weak, not being able to keep anything down. I was so scared, I even took a pg test, thank goodness it was negative. A chapter in my life I don't even want to think about if it was positive with everything going on right now. Little juju, you are letting the anxiety and panic attacks control your life once again. Come on now, we are stronger than this, I don't want to be shut in the house all the time like that period of my life I lost for a year becuase I was panicked from everything. I know this journey is only the begining, but don't give up now, nothing ever good comes out of bottling your emotions. You know this. You can only pour so much water into a glass before it starts overflowing. Have faith little juju, we have lived thru the worst part of the abuse, it is over, you are safe, these are just memories, and they can't hurt you. Yes, they hurt, but they and no one else can ever harm you again. Remember that I love you and I am here for you. NO buts allowed, I love you. We can do this. Hang in there, it can only get better. I keep playing for you my favorite theme song Keep the Faith written by rod stewart, listen to the lines, remember them, you have seen the darkest days and you are still here. You are stronger than you realize. We can do this together. These feelings of shame, guilt, self blame, are not yours to bear, the suicidal idealogies, and thoughts of self injury, and just cop outs, they are not real. You are so much stronger than this. You as the adult juju, have a family now, a loving husband, a wonderful son, a caring brother, lean on them, don't shut them out. They love you and I love you.
It's okay little juju. Hang in there, we are almost at the top of the mountain.