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stuckinthedarkness

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    Survivor

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  1. I have always wanted to start a blog, charting my journey, to help learn from others, and hopefully to help others not feel so alone I have been dealing with this stuff since i was 3 years old Yet I wasn't talking about it until I was a teenager I am just NOW trying to get thru and figure out my triggers, memories, and how to live healthily without drugs/alcohol/codependence on others It is rough. I was in so much pain for all of my life, but used different coping mechanisms to get by. Playing outside Going to friends houses Trying to find love,trust, peace, happiness, and security somewhere since I didn't feel it at home Than over eating Than codependence on others -- someone must be able to fix me, and if not I will fix them or be JUST like them, because I love them, and not myself Suicide-- Of course that will solve my problems, or at least alert my loved ones that I need more love and attention Cigs, pott, alcohol Anything to numb the pain I kept going to therapy, goofing off, than taking it too seriously. Swiitching meds, in and out of mental hospitals It is just lunacy. But it all makes sense at the same time. I never got the love and attention I should have gotten, and I won't blame neone else, because it is what it is. I am not a perfect parent either. But the pain is still there. The anger, sadness, resentment. Wanting to rebel against the world, so they can't hurt me, or maybe they will realize how badly I was hurting My memories are not as clear for me as I wish they were, but at the same time I guess the brain only gives u things as you can handle them. But I know in my heart it started off preverbal, because of the way I react, facts I know, ect. I have body memories, down there. And emotions running me over almost daily, which I know I can heal from, but still its a struggle every day. I am not making much sense as my brain is a blurr most of the time. But I hope that I can reach people with my story, and they reach me. As we are all in this together. We all struggle. <3 I will try to write more tomorro
  2. What Is Recovery?

    Thats AWESOME =) thanks for posting that
  3. I Am New And Wanted To Introduce Myself

    hello.. welcome
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