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  1. thanks for the warm welcome guys...i hope to get to know some of you soon x
  2. I dont know if i should be doing this or not, but it's past 2am and sleep seems to be elusive so i guess i have nothing to lose. Well, firstly hello, i hope you're all doing okay today. i just turned 21 and am not doing too well. I was abused by a lot of people throughout my childhood and nearly killed when i was 17. despite that i've always done a pretty good job of convincing everyone that i'm okay, that i'm just another ordinary girl with no dark past (always good at hiding the ED, the SI etc). but about 6 months ago the guy who nearly killed me was released from jail and somehow managed to find me (i have moved 7 times since then) and rape me again, leaving me pregnant. i have no idea why he would go to the trouble to do that. ever since then i have been spiralling out of control and am no longer sure how to hold myself together. it is like this last attack was the final straw that opened the floodgate of memories i have been holding back for 20 yrs. and now i jsut feel so scared and alone and everything hurts so much that i dont know what to do anymore. sometimes i just cant breathe with the pain of it all...i dont know if i can survive this...i dont even know if i want to anymore sorry, i didnt mean to rant like that, its jsut been a bad day and i'm tired. I'm hoping if you accept me here then i might start to feel a little less alone...or at least know that i am not the only one going through this...that i'm not the freak i feel i am...or maybe i am. sorry...please all take care of yourselves
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