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azazo

Inactive Member
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About azazo

  • Birthday 04/25/1970

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    USA

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. Really sorry for both of you. You are a special person to want to be so helpful and supportive to her, thank you for that. Unfortunately, you can't force her to do anything she isn't ready to do, it would not help her to talk to a pro if she isn't ready. She has to feel that she wants to tell or heal in order to do so. But I think that with time, she will come to a place that she will decide to let the secrets out and get some help for herself and her sister. The brother sounds like a total idiot talking about it to people, he's digging his own grave so to speak, but that is good for your gf, it's evidence against him. It may be experimentation in his opinion, but she didn't understand enough to say no, but that still does not make is consensual, so it is assault.(rape or molestation) Even tho they are both under aged it could still be called rape. As far as getting over it, those may just be the wrong words to use. That sounds like it should be forgotten about or ignored and that isn't possible, but there is much hope to learn how to cope and deal with it and be able to live a healthy life. Secrets are toxic tho. As long as she keeps these terrible secrets, there will be pain. Has she talked to her little sister about it? Maybe they will find strength in each other and support each other and bring him down. The confusion she feels is soooo normal and it's hard to figure that out. Sometimes I think it's the worst part of the entire scenario. Worse than the acts of abuse themselves because the confusion continues long after the abuse has stopped. I hope that things work out for them and they reach out for help and receive it and that this as*hole brother pays for the damage he has no idea he caused them. peace
  2. Welcome seeds! I don't know what you need help with but you are in the right place for support!
  3. WOW!! OUCH!! I'm so sorry!! Onyx did let us know you were in an accident a wile ago. I'm so glad you are back and I hope you have a quick recovery!!!
  4. Hello, I am sorry for the pain in your family. I didn't read the other responses, so sorry if I repeat something that has been said. I think that there is so much that you may not understand about your daughters, and anger may come and go many times. If they are not in therapy or have to pay for it themselves, this could have some connection to the 'boot incident' or perhaps, she may feel that she is entitled to anything she wants because she was hurt. I could be totally wrong, and probably am, just a suggestion. (I also realize it isn't really rational, but sometimes we aren't rational) As far as you having a relationship with your dad, I would say that THAT is or could be a huge source of pain for your girls. My mom has contact with her dad, my abuser and it makes me feel like she chooses him over me, or that I don't matter or my suffering isn't as bad as I feel it is. Your father will never admit what he did so I think you saying you want an explanation is somewhat of an excuse, maybe not consciously, I really don't mean this to sound offensive, but I know that it is hard to give up a parent. As far as saying you are a victim too, I do agree that sexual abuse destroys entire families, but I don't know if your girls hearing you feel that way would help you or them in any way. What hurts most for survivors is often not the abuse itself, but the way others in the family react or treat them about it. They may feel that as dad, you should have noticed some red flags, or done more to help them, even if you did everything you thought you could do. I think one thing that you can do would be to stop all contact with your father, even if you think it isn't fair or doesn't make sense, this is for your daughters, not for you or your dad. You won't ever get your answers from him, and your girls need you more than anything. Even tho you realistically can't, they need you to feel what they feel, they need you to be compassionate in every aspect of their aftermath. (so many of us don't get this) They need you to be their champion and defender. Stick up for them and confront anyone who says what they 'should or shouldn't' be feeling or doing. They are still young girls, and at almost 39 years old, I have new issues popping up left and right because of my abuse. They may overcome one aspect of their aftermath, to find a new one surface a few years down the line. Relationships with men will have problems, some they don't necessarily connect with their abuse right away. So you will always need to be there for them and expect that this process of healing may be a lifelong thing. Don't expect them to 'get over it' or 'move on' because that doesn't happen. What will happen is they can learn to cope with it in healthy ways, but they will never forget. Not what happened, and not what everyone in their life did in response to it. You also may want to consider counseling, you went thru trauma too in this situation and having someone to unload on is important for you and the girls. You need to be strong for you to be strong for them. I'm really sorry!!! I hope I made some sense. Take care.
  5. I just get these messages, 'so and so added you to their friends list!!!" and I have no idea what it's all about! lol You could always just change your signature to.... 'If I deleted you from my friends list, don't be offended, I'm just OCD like that.' LOL XO
  6. Is that what the friend thing is about??? I thought we should be able to accept or deny friends. What if someone I don't know adds me to their friends list, what does that mean anyway, can they see my personal info?(other than the stuff I posted on the forum. LOL)
  7. I don't think you are making anything up Hon, there is little reason for us to tell these things to our parents and stuff. I think maybe trying to stick it out with a counselor or T would be a good idea as well as sticking around here to read or post your issues. Hang in there hon, you have to face everything in order to learn how to deal with it. It can be done, but takes time. HUGS
  8. I tried to disable email notifications from here too, (only because the 'from' space is titled, Sexual abuse forum, or something like that, I share this address with my family, so it would be great if it could be more discreet) and it took quite a while to kick in for some reason, but it's OK now. Maybe I needed to log out and back in again or something, I don't know. Hope it works for you soon!!
  9. Yes it is fixed even better than before! I can see new posts on ALL pages of current threads, not just the first. YAY!! Thanks!!
  10. Awww Jeremy, HOW SWEET ARE YOU!!!!!! Welcome!!
  11. I can't see anything if I click on 'view new posts' or 'todays active topics' AND I can only view 1 post, then I have to wait a few hours before I can see anything else or I get the error message too. Is this part of the same problem?? I guess I'll have to wait a few hours to get my answer. LOL *beats gremlin with fly swatter and pours water on it*
  12. *sings* Koom by yah, my Lord, Koom By Yah, oh Lord, Koom By yah.* LOL (trying to break the tension here) lol I am so glad to see some regular Mods post(not to belittle the chat mods at all) it really helped to hear some explanations and examples, specially about 'questioning authority' I do feel much better. I also hope that my comment about some thinking they are 'above' others wasn't taken personally because I have no issues or contact of any kind (that I can think of anyway) with ANY mod. One point that was made that I thought was right on, was the statement about mods never (yes, I use absolutes a lot) participating in regular stuff on the board. Not that it is or should be necessary, but it does seem to impact our views I think. I know a few of the chat mods post pretty regularly, but I don't hear much from anyone else. Like fall said. I think this thread is proof that it IS ok to question the board and the mods.
  13. HI!! Welcome!!! I am so sorry you need to be here but so glad you chose us!!!!! That is a really great book. At least for me it is. I hope you know that ignoring it doesn't work and I hope you can feel comfortable being here and letting us help you with whatever we can. You don't ever have to say anything you aren't ready to so don't feel pressured to tell your story. You have to do it on your own time if you ever do it here or not. I'm so happy to hear you have this man in your life, too. HUGS!!!
  14. Wow, I go away for a few days and all hell breaks loose!!! This is a great post fall and I think a much needed one. My theory on what is going on here is the same thing that happens on all web sites of all kinds from time to time and in my opinion it is the issue of political correctness and social sensitivity.(which I fail at constantly) Plus, the fact that a lot gets lost in translation. We can't see body language or hear voice inflection. It can make things seem so much the oposite of what is really meant. Some people may feel that when someone doesn't agree with them, it is disrespect when it isn't. I think what we forget here is that there is no absolute right and wrong. We are all so different in our wants and needs that our perceptions and answers will differ, and that doesn't mean anyone is wrong or right. I was so happy to find this site and yet at the same time was scared to post but only because I saw how sensitive some people are. I don't mean that as a jab or anything negative at all, I was always just afraid that saying anything other than, 'oh, I am so sorry you are going thru that', I would hurt someone in some way. I don't think that is the answer in most cases, but sometimes that IS what someone needs to hear. The reality of this world is painful and sometimes the pain is necessary and if support on this forum means only saying that you understand someones pain, and not offer anything else, it isn't helping anyone at all. I also see here a power struggle of sorts. Not questioning authority is dangerous for everyone. There is a definite difference between questioning and disrespecting and when a moderator holds themselves above anyone else here there is already a problem. I don't see how there could be harm in a mod publicly expressing their opinion or explaining their actions unless they have no reason other than to show their power. If we were to carefully, literally follow each guideline for each part of this forum, we really wouldn't be able to say anything other then, "I was hurt". Deciding which guidelines to strictly follow creates a problem also. In 1 thread, we can't say that we fear men because it is sexist, yet in another thread we can say that we fear black men. Personally, I think all opinions should be allowed to be expressed if this is indeed a forum to let people finally speak their truths. We all may not agree, but that is the beauty of freedom, we are allowed to have our own opinions and expressing them peacefully is what is respectful. Not agreeing with someone doesn't mean that someone is wrong, and that, I think, is a part of the problem. It isn't wrong, just maybe, wrong for ME. See? What I am sad to see is that people stop coming on their own, in response to someone disagreeing with them. I know it can be frustrating, but it is still healthier(I think) to get those feelings out there, and keep talking even if no one agrees with you. I have had issues with people attacking me personally and not just on this forum, on painting forums too, but I am a grown up and can handle it myself. I don't need to 'tell on them', but that is just me. I know some people need support, but just removing a post because a few people don't like what it says is making things worse for everyone, not just the person who was offended. I think we (specially) need to be able to say what we need to say, even if it is unsavory for some others. Most of us have always lived our lives that way and in that we discovered how poisonous it is. To continue that here, on this forum would be counterproductive to the intention of this forum. I have backed off the last few days to be there for my family at home and for me it has been good. I think about all of you every day and what is going on here and I am sad to see what has happened, but at the same time, glad to see it being discussed!! We all have the ability to agree to disagree and in that I know there can be peace here don't you think? Peace
  15. Don't give up friend, please, I know this place is frustrating at first, but give it some time please!!
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