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About soulsofeckos

  • Birthday 09/18/1974

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    South Florida USA
  1. I just found my way back to this board, and I did in a way forget about it. I have been through so much since I was last on here, but I am dealing with it as best as I can. I also want to thank you for welcoming me to this group. I know that I am not alone, but with actually knowing what I am going through with my friends outside of my home and the Internet, I am still having a tough time. Most of them don't understand what MPD is, and what I go through when I lose time. A lot of them think that going to a psychiatrist would help me, but they don't know the pain that I am going through. I hear their concerns and everything, but they don't hear mine. Anyways, just wanted to say hello again, and retouch base that I am still here, just going through some rough times...as usual. Thanks again for all of the warm welcomes!!! Melanie
  2. hello (((willow))), i am very new to this group as of today. i can understand you wanting to tell your family and stuff, and i totally commend you on doing so. my biological father also abused me, as well as the rest of my family. i am not from the UK but from the US, and i don't know how they do therapy/counseling over there, but i believe that a few of the other members gave you some really great advice. also, your professor/teacher seems to have no heart. for someone who is in the medical(?) field or close to it, she should be a little more understanding than what she is showing you. i'm also sorry for your depression. it is hard to go through life like this, but each day will get better and easier the more you talk about it and post within a group like this one. i don't know what else to say...except that you have come to a good place for support and guidance. also, talking to your parents is going to be tough...trust me...it is way more harder than we all would like it to be. i just recently got reunited with my father, and now i am deciding to stop talking to him again. he was convicted in 1996 for doing the same to my step-niece on her 10th birthday. when she told me, i never doubted her one bit. i did as she asked me to and that was to leave and go to my friend's house who's mother called the police to meet us there. that was one of the hardest days of my life. i love my dad and my family very much, but i can't stand what he did to her and me and my sister and my half-sister. i wanted to so say something to him, but i couldn't do it b/c he thinks that he's never done anything wrong. he thinks that he's innocent. so, i have just decided that i want nothing to do with him or his family ever again. ( for going into a tangent about this) so, maybe talking to your mother first would be easier. it was for me, but she already knew; just didn't know how to confront me on it. just know that if you can't do it, that you have a positive place to come to and talk about it. soulsofeckos
  3. hello, my real name's melanie, and i'm a 30 yr old survivor of sexual and ritual abuse. i have been dealing with this for quite some time now (3 years to be exact). i have previously been to therapy, but at this time i am not. due to being ritually abused by both sides of my family (mainly my father's side), ummm...i have been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, ptsd, severe clinical depression, and chronic insomnia. ummm....i don't take any meds due to them not working on me, and i try to use meditation and other forms of natural remedies to help out with my depression. also, i don't believe in taking meds due to the serious negative effects that occurs when i do take them. uhhh...i also currently run my own online support groups for survivors, but sometimes i feel as if i just need another place to go to talk about my problems b/c it is sometimes hard to get others to see where i am coming from, although we are all going through about the same things. my abuse spans out from before i was even born (within the womb) to about 17 years old. i don't remember a lot of my abuse due to all of the repressed memories that i have, and they come and go in phases. most of my alters or parts of my personality are the ones who talk for me since i am not able to handle them most of the time. there is 15 years of my life that is missing and i wish that i could grasp it but it is very hard and depressing for me. i do know that there are times that they do come to me, but i tend to shake them away b/c i just don't want to deal with them at all. i am doing my best to recover as best as i know, and i may be seeking therapy again as soon as i can find the time between looking for a job and going to school full-time. i am also trying to better myself by trying to stay as positive as possible and going to school online, but this can be very hard for me at times. i am fearing that my depression is starting to return due to struggling to find work. however, i am looking into owning my own business or working from home as a medical transcriptionist. also, at age 17, i was raped by 5 guys. although i am mostly over that, it does eat at me at times, especially when i hear about close friends who have been through this as well. and, i have been dealing with the admittance of me having an eating disorder. i tend to starve myself and try not to eat a lot. although i am underweight and i am a small, petite person anyways, i don't want to gain weight b/c i want to stay small and be able to fit into my size 1s and 0s that i have to wear all the time. this is also starting to worry me b/c i have dealt with being called names all my life and having to deal with others and friends wanting to know why i am sooo thin. but, at least, i am admitting it to myself now. i guess. anyways...i don't know what else to say, except that i am glad that i can come here to talk about my issues and ordeals. for letting me be apart of this group. soulsofeckos
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