hi everyone, i'm new to the forum... i think i'll post a short introduction..:
i am 15, and i live in sweden.. i like painting and music and drawing and animals. i am pretty shy, and at times antisocial but i try my best to be social and nice...
i was raped when i was 4, by an unknown man.. though i don't know how many times, i just started remembering when i was 14... so most of my childhood i didn't know.. i was also molested when i was 5..
i've always been the outsider, in school and in the family.. when i was 13 - 14 i started drinking, and taking various pills to be able to go to school, becuz everyone hated me there and i had social phobia.. i started cutting myself when i was 12, but it didn't get serious until i was 14.. i also joined a depression forum when i was 14, which has helped me alot, the people there were the first ones i told about what happend when i was 4..
one day in school i took some pills, someone saw it, and i ran home. they called my mom, we went to talk to a doctor, and the doctor put me in a mental hospital the same day. i spent 5 months locked up, facing addictive medications and beltbeds and 24/7 watching by the personnel.. in the hospital i started having flashbacks, when the personnel held me down to the floor, i guess it was that it was kind of alike to what happend.. so i realised why i felt so dirty and awful and different. i also had my first psychosis in the hospital..
i got out of hospital in february this year, on valentines day o_O
they gave me a bunch of diagnosises, and since aspergers was one of them, i am now in a special school... i like it, there's just 13 people there and i'm not being bullied anymore.
i go to a therapist once a week, but she's away on vacation now. i haven't told her much about the abuse, just that it happend, no details. i am not ready for therapy for it just yet i think... at the moment my life is pretty sad, i cry myself to sleep every night, and every day i worry about getting another psychosis.. i have problems getting close to people. but i've decided not to kill myself, it's too mean. i've tried a few times but i've grown now and i don't want to hurt my family and friends; so i'm not going to do it... my dream is to be an artist, i love music :D
i know this was kinda long, but atleast there's no details.. i probably won't post much in the beginning, first i want to just watch everyone else talk for a while...