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tuliptorn

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Everything posted by tuliptorn

  1. I can't stop weeping. I thought a life without this dark, emotional pain was attainable for me, it does not feel that way right now.

    1. BrightSide

      BrightSide

       @tuliptorn im sorry your struggling, ill sit with you right where your at, so your not alone if you like? B 

    2. Houston

      Houston

      @tuliptorn 

      :( my heart hurts for you...

      sending my support your way.

      -Kim

       

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      @BrightSide @Houstonthank you both your the support. It all helps. I am doing better today. Nighttime is when this feeling hits me most. 

  2. That was a hard session.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @tuliptorn I’m sorry you had a hard session. :( 💔 I totally understand... I left session today really emotional and had to take off time from working. I hope the day gets easier for you friend ❤️ :hug:Sitting with you and sending hugs

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      I am trying my best to ignore my need to freak out. I'm so ashamed. So ashamed.

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      Aw, I'm sorry... Please don't feel ashamed. Still sitting with you if okay? ❤️ :hug:

  3. So disappointed in myself. Disappointed and ugly.

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug:If ok?

      Is sure your not ugly at all, tulips are actually quite nice :)

      Sitting with you if ok?

    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      Aw friend :( I’m so sorry you are feeling this way about yourself. You are not ugly. I hope you can see the true beauty in yourself. Sitting with you ❤️ 

    3. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      :( sitting with you 

  4. My faith and hopes are gone. At this point I dont care if they even come back.

    1. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      sending you hugs. i know what that's like. hope it's a wave that has come and will pass quickly

  5. I am hiding behind video games to avoid being with myself. To avoid feeling my feelings, my body. My despair.

    Just because you can hear me, doesn't mean I'm not screaming.

    1. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      :( ❤️ Sending safe hugs if ok :hug:

  6. Pain.

    1. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      I’m sorry you’re in pain :( sitting with you if ok? ❤️

    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sitting with you, Tulip. You are not alone. :hug: 

    3. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Sitting with you if you like? Im sorry things are so painful...

  7. Nights sucks.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug:If ok?

      I hear you nights do suck,  I've been awake most nights recently.

      Sitting with you if ok?

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      I feel you on that. So much is going on in the world right now it can be so overwhelming :( I’m sorry you are feeling lonely and scared.

      I’m still here, sitting with you. Thank you for sitting with me too ❤️

      Sending safe hugs and peaceful vibes :hug:

    4. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Sitting with you, I hope you get some rest. Sending calm and positive vibes. B

  8. Sleep hates me.

    1. Ian37

      Ian37

      Tulip Torn, I am so sorry to see that you have not been sleeping well and can relate even if only in general. I've not been sleeping well at all having way too much on my mind. I am still trying to rest a little all the same even without the actual sleep. Otherwise it can all become even more overwhelming. My sincere hope is that you are at least able to take a rest or two.

      ☘️

    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Maybe try some sleep meditation see if that will help?

  9. @Romani Welcome to AS! Sorry about the circumstances that bring you here, but glad you came to this supportive community. Again, welcome!
  10. I just want to sleep. Few hours tops. I dont think I can bear this much more.

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Hoping some good, solid sleep comes your way.

      I know the added headache we go thru when sleep deprived. I wish that on no one.

      Hoping restful 😴 has even already found you? :hug:

    2. Capulet

      Capulet

      Sending you some hugs if okay, and some positivity!  Hope you got some rest. ❤️ 

  11. If I could just sleep through the night, I"d give all my Oreos to charity.

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs if ok?

      I'm sorry you can't sleep I've been having the same issue it's left me pretty sleepy.

    2. taco_lover

      taco_lover

      I'm sorry you're not sleeping right now. Safe hugs, if you want them? :hug:

  12. tuliptorn

    Why she believed me

    I'm so sorry little Teleah was not cherished and protected. She so should have been and did not deserve to be ignored. ((((Teleah)))))
  13. Doing better atm. Thank you AS for the hugs and care. It really helps.

    1. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Glad your doing better ❤

    2. MeBeMary
  14. Why is it that when I need help the most no one is there? Do I just repel assistance, aid, help? What is the point of asking for it anymore? Its limited when its there. I've been doing the band aid, duct tape it together thing and its not working. I'm burnt out and highly frustrated!

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. taco_lover

      taco_lover

      @tuliptorn I'm sorry you're struggling right now! Asking for help is exhausting, and it's even harder if the help is limited.
      I know it's very tiring. Hang in there, okay?
      I'm sitting with you for as long as you need, if you'd like? 💛

    3. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      Oh no @tuliptorn I am so sorry you are hurting :( this is one of the worst feelings, I am heartbroken to hear you don’t get the support you need/ deserve 💔
       

      sitting with you 💜

       

      sam🖤

    4. Poppy_

      Poppy_

      Sitting with you and sending loads of support! I'm here if you need to talk :throb: You're not alone. I care. 

  15. I'm slipping. I don't know if I have the energy to panic about it anymore.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      :( sitting with you also

       

      sam🖤

    3. Field8

      Field8

      You are stronger than you know. Sitting with you.

    4. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      Thank you all. I have the hardest time during this part of the evening and into the night. Thank you for sitting with me

       

  16. Kinda down today. Anxious and lonesome.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: If ok? & Sitting with too.

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      @BrightSide, @taco_lover, @Free2Fly

      thank you and hugs for sitting with me. Today has started off better, but still very lonely. You concern helps a lot.

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your welcome friend, hopefully stuff starts to get better soon. Still sitting with if needed.

  17. My head feels like its full of green jello.

    1. purge

      purge

      mine too... but i could not put the feeling into words...

    2. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      I'm sorry your head feels this way too @purge :comfort:

  18. Hi and welcome @JudyM to AS. I am glad you were able to share your first post and very sorry about what was done to you. Flashbacks can be very scary and unsettling so it is important to give yourself really good self care and find some good ways to ground yourself in the present time in a safe space. I think flashbacks can be the way the mind tries to "help" you process trauma for ways to deal and heal from it, but overall they are terrifying. You have spent a long while crushing these memories into invisibility and I'm so sorry it was never safe for you to share with the people closest to you. I understand how much bravery it took for you to share it here with us now and I hope to really let you know how honoring that is. As painful as it is I have found that talking about it, with supportive, caring people is a huge step towards healing from the trauma of sexual abuse. I have also found that if you are able to journal down some of the feelings you are having during your flashback, while also scary, can help over time. You are stronger than you can imagine right now and you can make it through this. Please keep breathing and bringing yourself to a safe place of your design that is calming, gentle and kind. I would also encourage you to read the books Beginning to Heal or the Courage to Heal for tools to understand why flashbacks happen and how to cope through them, Those first books were like a bible to me in the beginning of my healing journey. It helped me to understand I was not crazy, or weak for not just "getting over it" and moving on. I hope you also can find a bit of solace in them too. AS is a very supportive place for SA survivors and I hope you can let yourself share again. I would like to stress again the importance of good self care for yourself during this time. You are not alone and you can do this!
  19. Just trying to keep breathing in this bad feeling moments.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sitting with you. :hug: 

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      (((((MeBeMary))))))

    4. Field8

      Field8

      Sitting with you if okay

  20. It's like no one is taking this threat seriously. I'm gonna eat some spaghetti.

    1. snmls

      snmls

      Spaghetti is always good. 

    2. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      🌷 It was. :)

  21. Hi @Adularia Welcome to AS! I joined in 2008 and found this community to be mostly understanding and safe. This place has really helped me get through some hard times. Survivors here have given me hope and friendship. I hope you are able to find all this and more as a member here. tulip
  22. Slowly falling apart. 

    1. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      Sitting with you tulip. I’m sorry you are struggling right now :( 

  23. I am physically sick from all the anxiety and lack of decent sleep. I just want to run away, but there’s no place to go.

    1. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      i am sorry you are struggling :( sitting with you if okay?

      sam

    2. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      Thank you @samantha2009 for sitting with me.:flowers:

  24. Alone with it all. You think I would get used to feeling this after all this time.

    1. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      I'm sorry you are feeling alone.  ((((((((((safe hug if okay))))))))))))))

    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: If ok?

      I'm sorry you feel like that, I can understand it I feel like that alot , especially when you don't really have anyone around you who knows what happened.

      Sitting with if ok?

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