[Joining again]

Hello everyone,

    I originally joined After Silence in 2008, and I realized that I need support in my life. Badly. I left my ex-boyfriend last year, entered a domestic violence shelter, and currently dealing with an ongoing criminal case for rape and domestic violence. Last year in August, I completed a rape exam. I don't know if this will help, but I am supposed to have another police interview coming up end of this month. Sometimes it helps being around people who understand what it feels like.

[Hello]

Hello,

Not hundred percent positive where to put this, but I was just hoping to talk to someone? Anything really. I don't know, need an outlet. Thanks, appreciate it.

I.

[Good Day, Folks.]

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear that. I know the feeling, and perhaps I need to take a little bit of the medicine, but not everyone is bad. It's a big world out there, sometimes we see the rough parts of it but there is good there too.

I.

i was "hurt" by both genders im not comfortable with anyone and im not happy with most of them but i am able to cope somehow. i am usually numb so i dont feel so i can stand being around them but as far as the hugging and mushy stuff - hell no! i can hug a few people in my family and a few REALLY REALLY close friends but thats it! the rest no! i just keep a safe distant and PRAY SO HARD i dont puke or have a panic attack or anything in the meantime.

[I'm New Here]

Hello,

Well, first thing I will say is congratulations. You took gigantic step, and you should be proud of yourself. I don't know how it feels for men, but I'm sure with societies pressure upon them that its harder for a man when he was abused. Men are supposed to be the strong ones, the ones who are the protectors and so forth, its weak if a man cries.. personally I think its a load of horse manure. Can't say the other word

We all feel embarrassed and we all feel small at times but you arent weak. You shouldnt feel ashamed, you have nothing to be ashamed of. For some they freeze up or theyll look at something else in a room and mainly remember that. Similar to the gun scenario, someone points a gun at you, people usually know how to describe the gun more than anything else. They blocked everything else out, so what I'm trying to say is, your not any less of a man. You are much stronger than you think.

If you need anyone to talk to, know that I'm there. Talk to about whichever, doesn't have to be related to the abuse.

I.

[Good Day, Folks.]

Hello,

My heart goes out to both of you. I'm sorry to hear that, and yes I did Lonely. Sorry about that!

Vanish, don't you have anyone in your family who you can trust?? Or a person to talk to, if you are at all close to me, I'm more than willing to be there to help you.

I.

[Good Day, Folks.]

Hello,

I thought of something, and was hoping if someone could answer it. This is pretty much to all, not just survivors but also to those who are in the family of survivors. My first question was more directed to the survivors, unless family knows how to answer it, the gender that abused (everything - rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse) you.. are you still able to be near people of that gender? Are you able to hug them, stand near them, without the fear of being revolted? For females who were abused by women, how are you in regards to being able to be a female? Females who were abused by men, are you afraid of all men?? For males who were abused by women or men, are you afraid at all??

To the family of the survivors, did you have a "abuser" in your family and how have you or your whole family reacted to them? How did you treat your friend, or your family member?

Thank you, appreciate it. I'm asking to understand, ha, aren't we all though??

I.

[Old Crime, New Person]

Hello,

Being optimistic is a good thing, well, we are all our own people. I'm glad that your husband is there for you, he sounds like a good man. I hope all is well and if you ever need someone to talk to, know I'm there!

I.

[Manycolors Intro***may Trigure]

Hello,

Glad to hear that, and I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope all is well now,

If you ever need an ear, I'm there.

I.

[New]

hey,

Well, I am sorry to hear that, don't be afraid so much. Life is so short and even when we deal with certain things, sometimes we have reason to be afraid, but dont let it take you down.

I.

[Two Questions]

Hello,

I'm glad to hear that, and I hope it happens for you. It isn't your fault, and i hope that you will realize that. I wish you the best of luck.

I.

I can relate to what you are saying. I am certain that what has happened is my fault and that it is because of something broken inside of me. Everyone that I have told has turned away from me for various reasons. All it does is add to the certainty that it is me.

However, for the first time I am in therapy to actually deal with what happened to me. It isn't easy. Every day I want to quit, but I am learning that I have friends that love me and there are places to go to for support such as everyone here. We've all been there and are at different steps in recovery.

I don't know that I'll ever get to the point where I don't blame myself or where I will trust my friends enough to share my story, but I am hopeful for the future because of the support and strength I have found here.

[Two Questions]

Thank you, I appreciate it, and thank you especially to the mother who replied but part of me has already accepted that I am at fault. I just want people to not feel what I felt whenever I told, I'd rather give a hand. There's nothing one can change, you have to accept certain things and thats all you can do.

Hey there

Welcome here to AS hon..The reason I am so nice is because is I have lived for over 30 years with an abusive history and have learned that acceptance and nonjudgmental behaviors as well as care and compassion and validation is what many survivors search for ..I know about acceptance and rejection and would rather feel acceptance..I know about shame and worth and would rather feel worth.. know about fear and calm and would rather feel calm..I know about pain and care and would rather feel care..

The reason many survivors are fearful is because of the shame and unworthiness they harbor in themselves.

hugs

graice

[Hi Everyone!]

Hello,

Good to hear and hope all is well.

I.

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, but not to these types of forums. I just wanted to say hi, nice to meet you all, and I hope we can heal some together.

Bre

[Here Goes Nothin!]

Hey,

Well, would you like to talk about it? Sometimes it helps when you just have a person listen rather than say they are listening but aren't really or could give a sh*t. Anyway, if you need an ear, i would kindly give it.

I.

[Hello Everybody]

hey,

im sorry to hear that, and if you need an ear, its there.

I.

I have been reading the other postings, and the first thing I noticed was that everybody is so nice almost to the point to be annoying. It is like I need to get to the bottom of different emotions and sentiments and process them in my way up from the state I have been living all my life,shame and guilt. On the other hand I recognize regarless of anything, we deserve to be treated with love,respect, dignity and I understand that is what motivates everybody to be so supportive and anxious to give love because that is what we did not have before and what we want in return.

Having said that, I will tell you about me. I have HIV, I was sexually abused when I was five or six years old, I am a male. I have been in therapy for the last two years and finally beginning to feel the sense of hope. I know haviing HIV is a bad thing but it does not compare to been abused. I can take a medication and keep going on but after I was abused, it destroyed my life. At 43, I am trying to understand what happened to me, not to be affraid when people look at me and trying to enjoy life at its fullest as it was suppose to be in the first place when it was taking away from me. I have 3 children and I will do whatever it takes to prevent as much as I can the same happenes to them. It took me 38 years or so to realize that I am not a worthless human being, that all the moments I did not succed, was because this shame was eating me alive inside all the time. I, on purpose, have been to destroying myself in every aspect of my life. I do not have a job, loosing the house where I live, no marriage, my children are not with me. I have to re-built myself and I am beginning to have hope which is the most valuable treasure for me right now.

[Im New]

Hello,

Well, sorry to hear that, but I'm sure you can make a friend again soon. Hope all is well and hope you find what you are looking for.

I.

Im new here ... but ive been on a message board b4 .... my friend storm's board.. she dissapered on me one day .... well

im new n hope im welcome here...

[Brand New]

Hello,

Well, I hope that you will find what you are looking for on here. If you need anyone to talk to, I'll listen.

I.

[Hi..]

Hello,

Well, if you ever need someone to talk to or even just someone not to talk about what happened, but someone to just talk to about whatever. Know that my door is open, and have a good day.

I.

Hi..

I don't really know what to say or do.. which probably sounds stupid. I'm really scared and nervous about reaching out, because this is something i have never discussed with anyone. I want help, and to trust, and to not feel the way that i do anymore, because i always feel so shy and nervous all the time..

[Two Questions]

Hello everyone,

I had two questions, and I was hoping if someone could answer them, I would appreciate it.

The first one, why is everyone so nice on here?? Why is it you care? I've told before, and was called I was disgusting and I should be ashamed as well as that I was a monster and it was my fault.. why exactly is it you are so accepting? I know thats more than two questions, for the first part, but I just dont understand. Shouldn't you be angry?

My last question was, why are victims afraid?

Thank you, and I hope you have a good day.

I.

[Hi, I'm New]

hey, if you want to talk.. ive figured that the more times you tell, it feels better, so.. im open and here in that sense.

[Good Day]

Hello everyone,

I don't really know how to start, I've never been one to start conversations. More of a listener than a talker, kind of my downfall I'd say, should be a bit of both. Let's just say I'm sort of lost in what to do, I just want things to be normal and the feeling of disgust and shame to go. So, here it is, the moment of trying again.

Perhaps a lighter topic is better, how is everyone doing? Day been, and so forth?

Thank you.

I.

['ello]

hey, well, im sorry to hear that. im sure you've heard that a lot, sorry, it doesn't sometimes make it better but.. if you need anyone to listen to when its rough, ill be an ear. hope you have a good day or evening