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M. Member
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    Alexandria, VA
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    I am an internationally syndicated blogger, rape survivor and civil liberties activist fighting for all people REGARDLESS of gender.<br /><br />I am a member of the RAINN Speakers Bureau, Virginia Sexual Domestic Violence Action Alliance, the Virginia Speakers Bureau and a Section Moderator at Pandora's Aquarium and a Moderator at Resurrection After Rape on Facebook.<br /><br />I refuse to slink around in shame, constantly apologizing for my existence simply because I am a man, nor do I expect any female survivors to feel ashamed simply because a woman raped me.<br /><br />Men don't rape. Women don't rape. Rapists rape. Let's keep the focus on them and cut out the bigotry and group blame. Together, we can accomplish so much more.

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  1. Exactly. Just because it is hidden from those who share a particular gender doesn't make it somehow acceptable. I would find it offensive that there are secret hate threads on a site that welcomes all survivors of sexual violence. There are ways of discussing fears that allow a survivor to work through them without committing psychic damage on other survivors or perpetuating stereotypes and bigotry. For instance, there is absolutely no reason why anyone should be posting ANYWHERE that one particular group of survivors are less than human when compared to another. However, saying that "I'm
  2. gender is not a defense your vagina was your weapon you have not earned forgiveness
  3. From a female survivor on another forum: "At some point you must have wanted it." Yeah, I really wanted to be drugged, raped and blackmailed. Do me a favor and don't tell me what I did and did not want. Did you want to be raped? Or cannot you just not get past that fact that a woman can use her vagina to rape a man same as a man can use his penis? Is your brain really that inflexible and your bias so defined???? Another female survivor: "I don't understand why you didn't just say no BEFORE you went to sleep." UMMMMM, what part of DRUGGED AND UNABLE TO CONSENT is so hard for your to unde
  4. Exactly! As an adherent of the non-aggression principle, I've been saying this for years. Violence comes in many forms and is exercised daily by people you'd never suspect - and of all genders. Physical violence is but one layer and simply the most obvious. Most people have never been challenged to look further. The high school girl who persuades her boyfriend to beat up the ex-boyfriend of her best friend. The girls who started it are just as guilty as the boy who carried out the physical portion of the assault, but not likely to be held accountable should assault charges be filed.The
  5. And yet, she is here defending generalizations by repeatedly hammering home the point that she believes men are more violent than women - in a thread clearly started to ask posters to NOT make generalizations for any reason. Perhaps that is is something that has confused you about this conversation. I find generalizations scary and unnecessary. This thread is about avoiding them and the statistics arguments is clearly a subtle way of defending them by claiming them to based in fact. I find the repeated need to claim that men are more violent than women in a thread about avoiding g
  6. I didn't call her sexist - anywhere. I take issue with her tactics. You have manufactured that one out of thin air. Please retract it or substantiate it. Actually, what she has done is say generalizations are not valid in one paragraph while then defending them with stastiics later in the same post - repeatedly. It is not as innocent as you seem to be claiming and clearly runs completely counter to the point of this thread. That should be obvious. You may not see it that way, but it is quite clear, else why keep using the unrelated statistics in a thread opposed to generalizations?
  7. so, i've actually been quite proud of myself for staying out of this discussion bc i really dont like to come on here to argue with anybody, and these discussions seem to always somehow progress into open hostility. but i think i really need to comment on this statement because i find it unfair. i assume it is directed towards annie? Yes, it is, you are correct. This thread is clearly about not promoting generalizations and Annie is very clearly defending generalizations throught the repeated use of statistics that paint men as inherently more violent than women. Why is that necessary
  8. That was my understanding as well, but it seems to have been turned into a "who is worse" argument that ignores the clear intent of the thread while continuing to subtly promote generalizations. Can we just not do it and save the political points for blogs and commentaries outside of healing spaces? Ugh.
  9. Rape and murder are two separate issues, as I am sure you understand. Perhaps I was confused, but I thought this thread was about avoiding generalizations about men and rape. Also, given that SOME women, just like SOME men commit murder too, I would think that would justify fear of women as well - who commit their own murders or use men to do the work for them, often generating lighter sentences when charged at all. Statistics don't commit violence, individuals do. Again, since most men do not commit such violence, then fear of men on that basis is clearly unreasonable, and your points, wh
  10. I like how you put this - and I can relate. After being raped by a woman, I tended toward abusive and manipulative women, which only compounded the problem. It can sometimes take a great deal of effort to trust and not automatically assume the worst. The healing work is day to day. (sigh)
  11. As I am further along in my healing, I can understand many of the sexist comments and have empathy for those making them. However, as a survivor of a female rapist I have problems with being lumped into the "perp" box by people who share the same gender as my own rapist. I know that some people may not understand how I can empathize while simultaneously feeling invalidated or accused on the basis of gender, but I think that most survivors here can understand why it would be problematic. It may be harder for those in the majority here to understand it, but I do know that many try and that me
  12. i agree that most males are not rapists or abusers or murderers. i was just saying they're much more likely to be rapists and abusers, and murderers, than females. so it's not unreasonable for females and for males to be more cautious of males relative to females. More likely based on some forms of statistical collection. However, given that the vast majority of violence committed by women against men is not prosecuted, let alone reported, you might find the real amount of female perpetrated violence to be closer to the levels of male perpetrated violence. I know far too many men and wome
  13. Exactly. The statistics being used in this thread to justify fear based on gender can also be used to refute those same fears. While the majority of reported rapes have been committed by men, the vast majority of men statistically have not committed any rapes or assaults, so the argument that they should be feared falls flat on its face when presented from that angle. Hmmm, I wonder why those stats are never quoted. Could it be that they don't support the fear argument? Further, a Kaiser Permanente study shows that for men abused as children, 40% of the perps were women, and a recent stud
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