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    eastern province of nowhere

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  1. thank u all!!!! i am so bad, i know that this period is so difficult, so stressful that is why i have so many flashbacks and thoughts... i know but it is hard to cope, i am all by myself in rl Thank u all u mean so much to me Lost and found, thank u u made me smile! so sorry :cry:
  2. :cry: I am not so new here, i missed u all so much... I am in "tears" now, if i can call this state tears, cause i really cant cry i wasn't online for a long time, i had health problems, went to hospital again, my liver is very bad, my home situation is worse now, i gave a lot of exams, that's the only good thing this months ago... but memories, fears, thoughts became my reality... i cant cope with my past, with all that pain, i feel so alone, so sad, so powerless, invisible... i so wish to disappear but i cant, show must go on i need u guys, i don't know what to do, how to live... so
  3. Thank u all for ur support!!!! It means so much to me, it's a big relief not having to be "strong" "smiling" or whatever else... In rl they call me "dragon", it made me laugh, i never understood how can they be so familliar to me but yet, they never even tried to get to know me, how i really am, or what i really feel. The dragon meant "keep ur mouth shut and listen to us, u must handdle it all, but we have problems u must solve for us"... Now i get so angry when they try to do it, i "resigned" (don't know how to spell it) from that "psychoterapy" part, i don't have strenght no more to be an
  4. thank u all for ur support!! u are all so great, so supportive, i just don't know what to say, thank u is so small i'm not used to talking at all, i was allways the one who listens others and i feel so affraid,i block when i have to talk... Thanks to u i feel normal "again" (i just can't remember if i ever felt like that ) and i so wish to spek, never to stop telling... Thank u! :hug:
  5. Hi to all of u! I have been here reading ur stories for couple of days, i am so happy to be here, thank u all!! I am quite new in facing my own life, for almost a decade i lived "happy" life of denial and now i feel like i'm gonna fall apart... It's hard for me to accept what happened especially that i couldn't do anything to stop it and that is not my fault...it's damn hard to face it, but u all are helping me a lot. For the first time in my life i feel i am not a "freak" and i have someone to share my feelings! I don't need to be "happy" and "ok" i have just to learn how to be myself...
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