I dont understand the need for sex. i dont have it but my husband does and sometimes it becomes an issue. i do love him and i want to make him happy but sometimes the only way to do that is to do what i dont want to do. i fake it and do everything i can to get it over with quickly. sometimes i cant even hold back the tears but he either hasnt ever noticed or chooses not to mention it. i cant understand the frustration he seems to have when he doesnt get it and he cant understand my lack of need for it. sometimes, like now, i feel like i have no way out and i am back in that dark dirt and stone hole in the middle of the woods waiting for the rocks to be moved only to see the shadow of the devil himself pulling me out to use like a tool and then put back in the hole. i get so sick. it takes a lot to keep going through this every day. sometimes i wonder what is the point. i can feel the shattered parts of me falling out of place.
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