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Another Update And Big News



I was planning on returning to AS and being more active, but I'm not sure I will have enough spare time. We will have to wait and see.

So my BIG news is that I am going to have a baby! While I am really happy and excited, I am also scared. I am 12 weeks and have been off my anxiety medicine for about 8 of those. I haven't found a replacement for my medicine yet, I've just been suffering through it. Withdraws from Lexapro are HORRIBLE... "brain zaps" and dizzy spells were worse than the "morning" sickness that soon followed. After the baby I don't know if I will get back on it, but I will need something. For now I use a lot of the tips in the post on here called "Emergency Self-Soothing Kit and Crisis Survival Strategies."

Me and my boyfriend, the baby's father, are living together and have a good relationship. While he still hasn't figured out how to handle my anxiety attacks or my triggers, he does love me and doesn't hurt me.

I try not to think of the "normal" fears of becoming a first time mother. Being a survivor and raising a child, protecting them from the monsters that I know live in this world, giving them room to grow and allowing them to leave my sight, those are the things that I really fear. I look up to any mother or father that never lets their trauma affect their children.

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My friend used zoloft while she was pregnant.

I did not have kids. I was molested for several years by more than one person. I was so depressed for several years that I did not feel I could be a good mother. My parents were not good parents so I did not have a good example. I still cannot believe that I lived through that. I know that I could not have been a good Mom without the help of antidepressants. I been on antidepressants for 9 years now. You are a stronger person than I am.

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