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In the beginning, I was naive. I didn't listen to anything my parents would tell me about safety because I just knew that nothing bad would ever happen to me. My mom would always grab me and hold me before I walked out the door. "Come back to me in one piece." She would always tell me. I always brushed it off. I was too special to be one of those kids. I would always make it home. I made it through years of carelessness and foolishness.

My favorite holiday growing up was Christmas. All of my siblings would get together with their kids and spouses and we would just have a ball. My dad would cook some big elaborate meal and we sat down to eat it as a family. One of the only times a year we ate as a family. Then, when we were completely done with our celebration, my siblings and I would all go over to my brother's home with his kids and wife. One year, 2009, we celebrated Christmas a day early because my mom had to work on Christmas. It was a wonderful day. I got everything I asked for, being the youngest child and all. By far the best celebration we ever had. Like every year, when we were done, two of my brothers and I went to his house to play our new Xbox games and watch our new seasons of Family Guy. We will call the older of the two, J and the younger of the two, A.

We were at J's house. His wife took the kids to her mother's so they could celebrate Christmas the next morning with them. My brother gave me his laptop and told me to go to my nephews' room so they wouldn't disturb me and vice versa. My nephews had bunk-beds, so I climbed up to the top, excited about getting to watch my new DVD's. I would come out of the room every once in a while to grab something to drink. Once, there was a man standing out there with my brothers. J told him he couldn't stay that night since I was there. I guess J and his wife had a roommate and this was her boyfriend. They had the same name, but spelled differently. She is C and he is K.

Anyways, I noticed the look K kept giving me. I felt a little sketchy about it, but didn't think twice about it. I was only 12 and no one had ever bothered to look at me with sensual eyes before. Or even dangerous eyes. I retreated back to the room and continued to watch. Then, at around 1:30 Christmas Morning, K came into the room. He brought me a drink and asked if I wanted it. He told me him and C went to the McDonald's right down the street and they didn't want the drink. I told him no thanks. He kept staring at me. Told me how beautiful I was. He grabbed a lock of my long curly hair and twirled it in his fingers. I asked him not to touch me because I didn't feel comfortable. He then asked me to come down to his level and talk and I refused. I wanted to leave, but there was no way out.

Next thing I know, he's got his hands under my arms and is picking me up off the bed (these beds aren't very tall, the child who slept on top of it was only 6). I'm kicking and screaming, telling him to get off of me and begging for someone to help me. He brought me out into the walk-in closet in the living room and pulled out a knife. He pushed it against my left hip and covered my mouth. I'll never forget his cold-blooded voice. "Scream, and I'll use this." He dug it in a little, enough to make it bleed. Then he pulled down my sweats and panties and before I know it, he was inside of me. I wanted to scream so bad. I started bleeding down there too, and I didn't understand what was going on. I never knew that I would bleed. I thought I was dying...I HOPED I was dying. I wanted nothing more than my brothers to come in and save the day. But no one was there for me when I needed them most.

I know it didn't really last for hours, but that's what it felt like. It felt like forever for him to get off me. He finished inside of me and then told me not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I laid there, sobbing, glad it was over. I waited in the closet until I knew for sure that he left. I walked out of the closet and went to the bathroom. I made myself look presentable and walked right back out into the living room. There they were, my brothers. They walked to the McDonald's THEMSELVES and got a ton of food. I smiled and pretended to be okay, but I was limping. A noticed and asked what was wrong and I just told him I jumped off the bunk a little too fast. That night I slept extra close to J. I woke up really sore and I forced him to bring me home. I never went back to stay with him after that. That wonderful Christmas Day was tainted and I have NEVER been able to enjoy another Christmas since.

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