So yeah. I am really embarassed to admit some of these fantasies...I am constantly thinking them, but I haven't admitted some of them to my husband. Some, but,not the ones I am afraid of, shamed by... Secretly thrilled by.
It's like I got my first sexual awakening, and that's all I want, from anybody. Yes of course I want stability, yes I want a partner, YES I want all these things... But I also want to be overly sexual. It isn't enough, being in my monogamous relationship. BAD Kimmy..that is probably the most shameful thing I have admitted. I want to make it work.. Desperately. I want to fulfill my sultry desires in a way that still allows my husband to love me; without hurting him.
I have thought about creating an erotic blog, like...to just unleash all these thoughts. Is it wrong that I am really thrilled by the thought of strangers reading my words and,being excited by them ?
What the fuck is wrong with me... I feel like a predator myself. I have NEVER acted on these thoughts... NEVER even admitted some of them to living people...
I am just scared, scared of me. I feel like this site is helping me find others like me, but it is also terrifying. I have never admitted these things to myself...so discussing them here makes them real.
Why can't I just be happy with what I have?