These memories will not leave me alone. I just want to break

down and cry. Honestly, I want to die right now. I don’t think I can handle

this. I keep remembering and it doesn’t stop.. Round and round in m head, I’m

on a carousal and I’m not allowed off.

I keep seeing my uncle. It’s summer and Tyler is baby-sitting

me again. I keep wishing they would stop letting him watch me. It’s night time

and still no one is home. I am starting to believe they will never come home.

Tyler comes into the room and I know one of his games are about to start and

even if I pretend to be asleep he won’t stop. There is no stopping him. He

walks over to me and pulls my shirt up over my head, causing my hands to be

pinned behind me. He then latches onto my underdeveloped nipple. When I try to

push him away he hits me in the head and threatens to tell on me (I had

accidently spilt juice on the carpet earlier because I had a drink where it wasn’t

supposed to be). So I gave up and let him win. I hoped it would be quick and

that he would leave me alone soon, but like most nights I was wrong. He pushed

me to the floor and pulled out this bottle of I think it was shampoo or body

wash. I wanted to ask what it was for but I knew that I’m not supposed to talk.

He then pulled my panties down by my knees I think… Things start getting kind

of fuzzy from here. I don’t know where they go they are just gone. I cant move

my wrists no matter what I try. He’s forced me to have my bum in the air in

front off him… I can feel my heart beating out of my chest and my ears are

ringing and its very hard for me to sit still… He starts to pour the liquid on

to me till it’s all over… Then he rubs my back side for what feels like forever…

He says something to me but my ears are ringing so bad I cant hear him at all. Then he sticks a finger in..

He was gentle at first all I could feel was the pressure… But he yanks it out

and the shock of the pain makes me yelp. He then shoves something into my mouth

and starts yelling at me saying I need to be punished.. I hear his zipper and

he rammed it in.. All I remember is the pain. I felt like I was being ripped in

half.. I could actually hear my flesh ripping and I swear he moans at that… He

just kept thrusting at me so hard that my body gets getting pushed even though he’s

hold me.. I can feel and see I’m bleeding on him yet he doesn’t stop…I know I should

have been hurting but my entire body feels numb and detached.. It’s the first

time for that to happen and I’m grateful. I can feel myself floating away… I

remember starring at the window just wishing to be dead.. That the pain would

stop and I would no longer exist.. Next thing I remember is him throwing me on

the bed and I’m clothed again and I smell cleaning supplies. My entire bod is

cold and hurting. I’m scared to move because I know it is just going to hurt so

I just lay there… and slip into the darkness…