Things started getting hard for me and I reached out to someone to talk to about things a few weeks ago. Since then, I feel a tidal wave of feelings washing up waiting to crash down. Everything seems to be coming out at once. I can feel an overload trying to happen and I just don't know which way it will swing. I am already self-destructive and neck deep in addiction. It has been recommended that I go in-patient on a suicide watch but I won't go voluntarily. I would have to admit i'm falling apart and I refuse to do that publicly. I am the rock for my family and some people at work and they would feel let down by me. I have to be strong no matter what happens. Rocks don't crumble.