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Everything And Nothing


Green

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I need a space to throw out these feelings that are so quickly pulling me under. I try to turn to people in my life who might understand, but they all seem to be wading through their own piles of shit far deeper and wider than my own. What right do I have to ask them to stop and listen to me? Absolutely none.

My problems are petty and pointless. That bothers me more than the problems themselves.

You're just having a pity party. Man the fuck up.

Can the world send someone to beat the life out of me so I at least have a reason for this pain, please? Seriously you'd be doing me a favour.

I'm disgusting, stupid, ugly, whining, ignorant

but so what?

I'm alive, healthy, safe and loved. I Should be happy with that, RIGHT? So many people don't have these basic things.

But I'm not happy. I'm not even ok. It's utterly pathetic and I hate myself for it. Hate, despise, loathe. There aren't words strong enough.

You know what FUCK THIS.

Writing is pointless. I'm getting nowhere.

My life is pointless.

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No its not I have a perfect relationship and family and I'm about to ruin it with the past and not knowing if I be alone am I gonna be OK. I feel like a shitty person too but I'm not happy where I am and I need to fix that. Everything will be okay if you need to talk you can message me

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It's like you are reading my mind. I feel exactly the same as you. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but I have nothing. Hope you feel better, Flo.

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You are not alone.

I too wish I knew how to ease it. I wish I had people in my life that understood. I wish I didn't feel so afraid to talk more to them about it - I don't want to be a burden. It makes them uncomfortable so I stop reaching out. I don't want to add to the pain and discomfort in their lives - I love them.

I ask myself all the time who will love me enough to help me? I always get the same answer - no one.

I would much rather feel physical pain than the pain I feel because at least I would know it would go away. I know I have more to offer, but all I can feel is the hate, disgust, and shame I feel for myself. The fact that no one can be here to help only makes it all feel worse.

The one thing I can say that has helped is to write. It is hard at first and I wanted to blow it off every time someone told me to do it, but it eventually felt easier, it felt better, it felt like a relief, it helped me organize all of the thoughts and emotions swirling around like a tornado. could. The best thing about it was that I could write down what I couldn't tell anyone else.

If you would like to talk more, message me.

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