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Anah's Blog

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A Question No One Seems Willing To Answer.


Anah

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I was abused by my step father ages 11-16.

He was the only father I had ever known.

He has been with my mom since she was a few months pregnant with me.

Is this still incest since he was only a step father or not?

I don't want to share anything in the wrong forum.

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Hello again anah,

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. To be honest, I think my truthful answer may be a little more complex than the one you're looking for. So I'll try my best to keep it as brief as possible, but I must be honest.

Honestly, different cultures and peoples around and across the world view the family unit SO SO differently - some see 'kin' as 'solely' blood relations; some see 'kin' as 'solely' none-blood relations but are far more 'socially' or 'hierarchily' focussed. As such, incest will mean different things the world over to different people. There is no right or wrong answer to this question, and I certainly could not answer it for someone else.

Perhaps it is worth asking yourself what incest means to you? Or what 'kin' is to you? Or whether you see your stepfather, a person you describe as the only father you've even known, as your 'kin' even if he is not a blood relation? Would you consider a foster/adoptive sister/brother kin who you'd known your whole life?

It's who they are to YOU, and what this means to YOU. Not to me. If it's incest to you, then IT IS incest.

Take gentle care of yourself,

Forest x

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OP, yes, I do consider this incest. It was wrong for him to put his hands on you and even think that it was okay just because he isn't blood related. I'm sure that thought crossed his mind. "Well, she/he's not 'actually' my child so it's not bad." WRONG! He made an oath to your mother to care for you as his own when he married her. He knew that he was your only male role model. Someone that is supposed to help a child in this world and not harm them. A real father does just that. So yes, I consider it incest because he took that oath as a husband to your mother and helped raised you as his CHILD. Safe hugs if it's okay, OP.

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OP, yes, I do consider this incest. It was wrong for him to put his hands on you and even think that it was okay just because he isn't blood related. I'm sure that thought crossed his mind. "Well, she/he's not 'actually' my child so it's not bad." WRONG! He made an oath to your mother to care for you as his own when he married her. He knew that he was your only male role model. Someone that is supposed to help a child in this world and not harm them. A real father does just that. So yes, I consider it incest because he took that oath as a husband to your mother and helped raised you as his CHILD. Safe hugs if it's okay, OP.

Yes, actually, he said that to me quite a lot. And I quote "I'm not your real dad so it's okay for me to love you this way."

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