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Anah's Blog

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Just Something I Wrote...(Tw?)



I wrote this last night. I had a jumble of thoughts in my head and writing always makes me feel a little better about things.

As I started writing it came out like maybe I was writing for someone or even to someone.

That wasn't really my intention. But I thought I might like to post here for others to see.

I don't know that it really fits anywhere though.

Imagine the most terrible thing that has ever happened to you.

Now imagine while this terrible thing was happening you didn't understand it was terrible. Only that it was happening to you.

Imagine that you think you have to do this terrible thing because if you don't you will get in trouble.

Imagine that you think in the long run doing this terrible thing will help you.

Imagine you think someone will stop hating you if you do this terrible thing.

Imagine that you hope this terrible thing will make someone happy an they won't yell at your mother anymore.

Imagine hoping this terrible thing will make someone be nicer to you and your little brother during the day.

Now imagine to you this is not a terrible thing. It is just a thing.

Imagine you are 11 years old.

Imagine that this is your life every night when every one else has fallen asleep. Everyone else but you. But you and someone you call Daddy.

That's what CSA was like for me. Until one night I was 17 and falling asleep and the word "molestation" entered my mind. Everything that had ever happened to me fell into place and I felt sick.

I felt sick, but I knew I had to ask for help.


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