Today marked the six year anniversary of the event that changed my life (acquaintance/date rape). More than that, that event created a lifestyle of fear. I let friends, though looking back they weren't even that, use me because saying no made me afraid. Afraid that if they didn't listen, I would go through this all over again. My friends now tell me that this made me strong, and though i struggle to love the person I am today, I hate the flashbacks, the guilt, the discredit I was given. Though I will always hate how much he hurt me, what he did to my life, my trust, and my strength is what I hate the most. Today i struggle with the repression. I tried forgetting for such a long time that around the anniversary of this event, the flashbacks and memories come free and come strong. Today i struggle with my normal fb post about how this day haunts me, and how my new fb friend (my mom) doesn't know and how i'm afraid to ever tell her for fear she will be upset with me for the drinking, or for not pressing charges. I'm afraid she'll tell me that its my fault like so many people before her did. My parents are the only ones who i never told. Does anyone else have these same fears or kept this from just the closest people ?
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