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justasurvivor

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Does anybody else have problems with their body? I remember the weeks after I was raped I would look in the mirror and stare at myself. Picking out every single flaw I thought was one. I never did this before, I always thought I was pretty in a modest way. I was happy, ya know? But then after, it's like all of that changed. And too this day, I can't look in the mirror and see that happy little girl I used to be. She's gone.

That pretty girl? She's a monster now. I hate it, a lot. I spend hours finding new ways to hate myself, because at the end of the day I think it's my body's fault, my fault, for what happened to me.

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I can totally relate. I remember scrubbing myself down in the shower at the hottest temp I could get it to. Trying to scrub layers away. I did this multiple times a day somehow feeling emotionally I could wash the filth I felt like away. Every time I saw myself in the mirror I would cry instead of smiling like I used to. I hated myself, hated him too, but felt like it was all my fault. I hid my skin, wore winter clothes even when it was warm outside. I quit dressing cutely for fear of attracting men. I felt ugly so I quit caring. That nagging thought in the back of my mind continually saying "if you had just been smarter and done_____ instead, this would have never happened."I hated that voice because it was too late and in reality whatever that ____ was it probably wouldn't have made a difference. I had no one to share this with either. I kept an act up when others were around, or lied about not feeling well. But those who know me best could tell deep down something was different. I hated the act and just wanted to go back to being me.

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Hey there! I think the reason we do those things so ourselves is because we truly believe it's our faults. But it's not, it can't be. We didn't ask for this. So please, know it isn't your fault. No matter what happened. One day, you'll find yourself again, because you'll realize she was never really gone, just hurt.

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its not your fault what happend to you. i sometimes think negatively about my body... but i just combat those negative thoughts with good ones.

i constantly tell my self that i am beautiful...and that i accept myself and i love myself. even when i felt as though i didn't love my self. i told myself that i loved myself anyway.

i take a break from looking at myself. and i wait until i'm having a day when i feel confident.

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