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Feeling Lost


elephantlove

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I'm struggling tonight. Sometimes I have to play through a therapy session in my head where I'm telling my story over and over again to try to find peace. Tonight is one of those nights but for some reason the memories of how I felt during that time feels hazy as if it didn't happen the way I remember it. I know that isn't right since I remember the physical aspect of it clearly and I definitely have a lot of emotional trauma. I spent so many years telling myself it's ok that I was ok with it that I'm now questioning the way I felt during that period of my life. Was I really ok with it? If so why does it make me feel so dirty and sick? Am i really a survivor? I've never felt so lost or alone in my life than I feel tonight. I'm hoping that writing about it will help me find peace for at least the night. maybe if I can write about my experiences in detail it will help me. I'll fight that battle another night

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If someone did something verbally or physically, even if it was minor, If you did not like it, you are a survivor of harrassment. And if that person touched you or hit you it is against the law.

I have been kidnapped quite a few times. The last one was 15 years ago. My mother and step do not believe me but they are in on it. It is very hard to deal with. I finally have some friends who have made a supporting group for me.Plus other people. One thing to remember if you are looking for a therapist is be picky. There are therapists who pray on peoples vulnerabilities.I would hate for you to get into that situation! I have and it hurts.Good luck and I can empathize with the pain and confusion.

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You were not okay with what happened. Whatever they did to you they used you and pushed you into that horrible situation nobody wants to be in. The reason you feel sick is probably because you question what you could have done to avoid it. I know that feeling to well and it hunts me all the time. I can not sleep and I always have the weirdest and craziest nightmares and I constantly wake up at night. Please don't blame yourself, it is not your fault. It is very important and difficult to make that clear to yourself. I can not make it clear to myself either.

What helps me is distracting myself especially when I panic over things that happened. That's problaby not the perfect solution but unless we can get rid of those memories I do not know how to get through it.

I do not know if that was helpful but I wishes you everything good and a lot of happiness, stay strong!

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