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It's Me


ImScared

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I've lost 3 friends in the past year.....because of my behaviour. I lost 2 within a day of each other. I trusted them. I told them everything and they left. No goodbye, nothing. Does it still affect me? Oh ja, everyday. I miss them. I miss the long conversations about everything. I miss everything. Then I've lost my best friend. He's always been there for me no matter what but I've pushed him too hard. I never expected him to stay but I hoped. He has every right to leave. I can't believe he stayed as long as he did. It's been 2 weeks since we last spoke, for us that's forever. He's never gone this long without talking to me. But I understand, he needs to protect himself. I hurt people sometimes on purpose and sometimes I do it on accident. I think I need to think about others and just stop what I'm doing. I'm so sorry to all 3 people and miss them everyday so much! I don't know if I could ever do anything to bring them back but I wish I could. I hope they find happiness and enjoy their lives to the fullest. I hope I can find happiness one day but for the time being, I'm devastated beyond belief.

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Not fully sure of your story, but from your previous posts I can tell you are dealing with a lot. Emotions are shitty, I agree. I'm almost impressed you can shut yours off, I wish it was that easy sometimes. But being alone is just as shitty maybe even more, so I am sorry that you have lost these three important people.

Things are looking up, you have some good future prospects and everyday is a brand new day to start again and grow as a person. It doesn't have to be much. If that is too difficult though we are all here for you in this community.

Still, an apology, the will to change and the admittance that you need to can go a long way.

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Sorry, I've not posted my story because it sounds stupid and I've only written it once & then copied and pasted it to anyone else I told. Ja, you guessed who I told it to first, my best friend. The one who's not talking to me. My emotions were gone but they've come back because of this. I hate crying. I hate feeling anything.

Thank you so much for reading my blog and writing to me. I really appreciate it. I feel very self absorbed lately. I didn't cry all day today so that's an improvement but the hurt is still there and it's so painful.

I did apologise to him. I do want to change but I have such a hard time. I know it's my fault. I accept the blame but I can't handle the leaving and no answers. I wish they would tell me what I did so I could stop doing it. Sorry for my long babbling. I hope your day was nice.

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Although I am not sure what happened between you and your friends I understand how hard it is to lose your best friends because I have lost all my best friends at once before. The number one thing I would recommend you to do is keep your head up and take this time to truly find yourself. At the end of the day your true friends will always be your friends so maybe they just need a little space to better themselves and hopefully they will come back into your life more mature. Whatever you do do not blame yourself for your friends not talking to you right now because it is not all your fault. This is why I recommend you take this time to truly find yourself and value who you are as a person, and realize everything you deserve. I would try to keep in contact with your friends to show that you do care about them and you are interested in mending the friendship. But I can tell you are a good friend and your friends are lucky to have you as a part of their life and I'm sure they will not let a good friend like you go. Stay positive and remember your worth. I hope everything works out for you.

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Thank you so much for your responses. The first 2 friends, I can't let know that I'm still here for them but my best friend I can. I've told him and I'm hoping that one day he comes back to me and we can enjoy being friends again and he's in a better place and I'm in a better place. My anger is gone and my sadness is slowly leaving. I just miss them because I've been doing new things and I want to share with them so much but can't. Again, thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it. I'm on a new journey right now and wish they could see me now =)

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