A rough couple of days with issues of feeling like i have been triggered but not sure why. I have made some requests for counseling to work through this time but no answers so i guess its another time of going it alone. not a whole lot of the 'i give up' thoughts but really drowning in the 'i deserve to be punished' thoughts. i had really hoped i could find someone willing to sit with me for a while to get through this but as usual, i go it alone. im tired. i answer the call all hours several times a week but when i finally tried to reach out to someone, no one is there. i have convinced myself i do not deserve anymore that what i get and i have started pushing my husband and best friend away because i dont deserve them. they love someone i am not. i guess i have a lot more of the 'i give up' feeling than i thought. im tired.