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1/7/15

FinallySpeakingOut

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I woke up this morning from a nightmare, again. It was a snow day, but I still woke up at 7:45. At 8:45 I went to my doctor. We upped my antidepressant medication and put me on an anxiety medication. I'm so scared of myself. I can't focus, and my grades are slipping; up until now I have been a straight A student. Now I have a C- in one of my classes.

I haven't seen him since before Christmas break. I hope it doesn't change.

I've been trying to write poetry, something like SLAM to use at the Variety Show my school holds every year. I just can't get the words to come out right. It terrifies me that this has affected me this much, that I can no longer do what I love because I can't focus. How could he do this to me? Why would he? I gave him everything I could and he took more than I was willing to give. He took my sanity, my freedom, my life. He doesn't even care...and I can't find the will to blame him, to blame anyone...all I want to do is sleep.



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I know those days/nights/hrs/mins/secs.....it's like drowning but never losing life. You've reached out, spoken out, this shows a strength in you that you can't see through the curtain of your terrors right now. Keep working toward your creativity even when it seems lost to you forever, it's yours, no one can take it away. Being a "survivor" doesn't just happen because people say that's what we are but because we say that's what we choose to be. Be courageous! Be you! Get up, survive & thrive. Nothing says "I'm stronger than this!" Better than that! (((((<3)))))

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Thank you so much. I know that I'm strong, know I can do it....I just don't know how. I am, at this point, still a victim. I may have lived through it, but I don't feel as though I survived. Not yet, anyway. Again, thank you for your kind words.

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