All-or most-of my blogs will have a trigger warning.

Today was tough. Walking around praying I wouldn't see him...I had to leave one of the clubs I enjoy most because he was always there. He still doesn't get that he did anything wrong. I feel sick, physically ill when I think about what he did to me...what I let him do. I was dating him. I hate that I still feel like it was my fault, that maybe he's right, maybe I am a wh*re. I loved him...I gave him my heart, and he doesn't even care that I'm hurting. Why? Why did you do this to me? Why did you hurt me? Why?!?!

Only when I look back do I accept what it wasn't my fault. That when he asked over and over and over, when he made it clear that 'no' was NOT an acceptable answer, saying yes was the doomed single option from the start. I hate how much he affected me. How a single night pushed me over the edge of my sanity, of my ability to handle it, to cope. I despise him, and I despise myself as well.