Copper's Word Roost

Oh Skye....I feel your pain. I really do. I, too, wish the same for us. It's Angie, here by the way. Most of us don't quite care for marriage (especially after seeing my parents' marriage and the abuse and many problems it brought) but I would like to marry one day. And that unavoidable 'stain' of abuse that colored our life just won't go away.

I honestly don't feel that we are not pure. I believe that we are. Pure of heart. What was done to us was not our choosing, therefore there is no sl*t shaming that should be done toward us (by 'us', I mean all survivors).

You ARE good and pure. And if the man or woman, whoever you choose to be with, doesn't see that, then they are not for you. I know it's easy to say, but I truly believe it.

Being a people pleaser also, it has been really hard to come to this belief. I've been through hell with the ex who basically manipulated me into proving my goodness and loyalty to him over and over again while he abused me (us).

You are brave to open up about your story here and for that I am proud of you. I am sorry your parents were such assholes (I hope it's okay to say that...that's the impression I get when Jet and Rev are mentioned). You deserved love and care and security as a child and growing up. No 8 year old should have had to endure what you have. Very safe hugs for you all.

You are entitled to your anger a thousandfold! Absolutely! It sounds like you were not allowed to express or feel anger throughout the abuse. You ARE allowed to feel it now. You are safe now.

I think I went off on a tangent and I'm sorry. About this starlet, I don't think she has any idea that what she's saying affects csa survivors. She's young. She has no clue. But I agree with you....she is putting the responsibility on us females for what may happen with a partner. Yes, when it's consensual, we do have our share of responsibility. But otherwise...not at all. And I can see why what she said hurts. Her actions do not match the beliefs she preaches, which gives a horribly confusing message to impressionable young girls and women. And young men as well!

All this to say, we hear you. I hope you find some comfort and begin to truly see yourselves as pure.

Thanks, Angie. And feel free to call Jet and Rev anything you like-- even Teacher calls Rev an asshole from time to time!

You are right, anger was never an emotion any of us were allowed to express. Any rebellion at all was rapidly snuffed out. I think it shocked Rev the first time I (and it was me that time!) really fought back. I screamed his insults right back...but he was still bigger, and the end was still ugly. But I think it shocked him when his tame little broken thing proved it had claws!

As to that little featherbrained starlet... *sigh* I know she's young, and very sheltered. There are folks in my System who would have said the same things at 17. All innocent and naive and stuff. It could be that the starlet thinks that because Daddy says it's okay, that negates any negative impact her dancing may have. I hope she grows up, comes to see the damage she's doing...hope it happens swiftly and with as little trauma as possible.

I don't wish the pain of any kind of SA on anyone...but I do wish that something would open her eyes to the way the world works.

Guess I'm just bitter. It's a little less pronounced with me, but most of us feel about as pure as yellow snow.