I do better for a few days, feeling strong and then I dealt with a situation with a friend that I needed to deal with -- I had to cut her off because it's just been lingering there for years and it's not healthy -- but then saying goodbye brought up all this grief and pain and I'm right back in the thick of it again.

When does this nightmare end? I am so tired of one step forward 294,350,478 back.

I just want to be able to live and it feels like I can't because there's all this pain and anger and shame and bullshit in the way.