So, for a moment, let's just believe healing is possible.
What would that mean? If you could let go of the negative beliefs, if the pain and terror and shame and anger no longer controlled you every move? If you could let go of it. If you could change your ingrained beliefs and come to healthier understandings.
What kind of life would you want? What dreams do you have that you think are impossible because of what happened to you? What would be doing if you'd never been a survivor?
Those are hard question for me to answer. I know what I want. I want family. A real, healthy, loving family. I want a significant other. I want a child. I want to be integrated and involved with my community and my world.
I want to be able to provide for myself. I want to be able to grow beyond this permanent adolescence. I want to be able to take care of myself and the people I love.
Love. I want love most of all.
So, how do I get there?
Alcoholics Anonymous says, "fake it til you make it."
that by saying all of this is not only possible, but will happen, you can change those negative beliefs, you can grow and learn and begin to move beyond the tragedy of your experiences.
I believe in healing
I believe in love
I believe there are good men out there and that I will meet many of them one day
I believe I am making progress
I believe I will one day have a full, rich life
I believe I can change
I believe I can learn to live in the present and let the past settle into nothing more than learning experiences
I believe I will be all right.