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Jittery

CopperPhoenix

Entry posted by CopperPhoenix ·

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Skye here, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will adhere to them.

I've got a bad case of the jitters and I don't know why. Maybe I'm still stinging from the mess with MM. I don't do humility well, and while well-deserved, Teacher's reprimand stung. Stings.

More likely, it's the time of year. Our anniversary (Phoenix Day, we call it 'cause we rose out of our ashes when we fled) was yesterday. Everywhere I look I see Rev. I know he's not here. I know full well he has no reason to be here. But still I see him. And every time, I panic. Thank God Copper's got a steady head on her shoulders. She's stable enough to look and really see these people: This one is too short (true most of the time) that one's hair is too dark. This one is to thin, that one not bald enough...and any time a "Rev" is holding hands with a woman clearly not Jet...well. Being Jet's husband is so much a part of his identity, the perfect cover.

It's easier to tell a false-Jet. The first thing to look for is the white cane and/or grip on someone else's elbow. For that matter, it's easier to evade a "Jet". I learned how to stay out of her limited field of vision before I was 7 years old. By the time this body hit adulthood, we'd elevated that skill to an art.

So it could be the season that has me jittery. Or...

Maybe what I am feeling is change. Maybe this case of the jitters is a matter of me scenting a massive change. God knows we're working to move forward! So maybe this surge of nerves is puzzle pieces falling into place.

Copper keeps rattling through the list of things she'd pack if she had to up and leave now and not know if she'd be back. That's a sure sign of change. Even as I typed those words, she tried to take over and start packing a "grab-and-go" bag. *swats at Copper* Hush. Let me at least finish typing the damn blog!

Usually I sit out on those kind of things...but this one is awful, awful strong. Something is about to happen, but I don't know what.

What I do know is that I keep killing my internet connection. So I'll connect it (again), post, and maybe find a way to get these jitters out.

Peace

Skye

2 Comments

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fallenstar

Hi Skye, it's Fallen. I can relate so much to your post. I get this same feeling every so often, and I just figure it's PTSD kicking back in. It's beyond your usual daily anxieties. PTSD is way worse. I think that making a safety plan is very important, especially when you are not feeling safe. If some of you feel that packing a bag just in case will help to ease your jitters, then you should do it.

Supporting you! Any and all of you are welcome to PM us any time.

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CopperPhoenix

Thanks, Fallen. We compromised, added a change of clothes and other basics to our everyday backpack. It didn't add much weight, and we all feel better knowing we've got an escape hatch.

We're all familiar with PTSD jitters. That's what has us on edge this time-- it doesn't feel like that. Nor does it feel like "normal" anxiety.

Whatever it is, it eased up as we packed (and made a few other contingency plans). The jittery-ness is still there, but not nearly as pronounced.

I guess all we can do now is stay tuned to see what happens...

Thanks again for commenting!

-Skye

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