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It's been a very long time since I've typed something here - last year I think. But my counselling is coming to an end and that really scares me. I don't feel like I've made any progress or even begun to let my guard down with her. I don't feel like I know her. The time has passed so quickly. We haven't talked about the r*** yet, but I think we're going to the next time I see her. I don't know if I'll be able to. I don't think I could tell a person face to face what happened, I feel like such a sl*t. I'm not sure I even know how to go about it, as I don't remember so much of it. I think I was drugged. I was certainly extremely drunk like a regular idiot. But I kept on blanking out, loosing memories as they formed, and loosing more the following day. I know I dissociated at one point as I was floating above myself watching from a safe place. Perhaps that's what was happening with the memories, I'm not sure. But there's things I know I remembered vividly at or close to the time, which now seem to be gone. I don't know, it's all just a big mess. I just don't know how or where to start, and more than that, it scares me the idea of talking to someone about it especially as I don't like or trust people. Well that's my winge for today. Hope you're all okay. If you're faced this situation before with you're T, and have any words of wisdom / encouragement, feel free to post them. Take gentle care.

Forest x


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