I am stressed. It is not surprising, but it should only be slight anxiety, not overwhelming rip-my-own-heart-out consuming anxiety. I am switching barns, complicated by the fact that I work at my barn, and everyone else has been leaving my barn. In general, the quality of care is not the best, and there is stuff all over (broken mowers, discarded furniture) so it doesn't surprise me but normally I stayed because I have no where better to go that I can afford. Well, that changed. Because I get paid per stall, it means I'm paid less now, so board is more. Also a working board spot opened up across from my work (save on gas, see my horse me, and the barn has trails so all pluses). But I just had a talk with the barn owner which stressed me out to no end (I put it off for a week because it was stressing me out). And the barn manager knowing will be even harder. We've developed a working relationship (talking together, friendly relationship) and it is hard to feel like I am throwing that away. I know what goes said about people who leave the barn, and that will hurt, but certainly isn't a reason to stay.
The knew barn is beautiful, I'm able to work off all of my board (which will make the financial burden of owning a horse so much less), it isn't out of my way to go to, and there are trails to ride on, including the ones on my work's property. Plus I have someone to trail ride with. All the reasons favor going. I just feel so anxious about it. Like I'd rather withdraw and never make a decision than do what I have just done.
Makes no sense, I know. But it is a very paralyzing sense.