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I Am Not A Victim!


AshleyyyRebecca

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I got into a fight with my mom a few days ago about not wanting to come home. I don't like going there. My rapist lives in town and my molester lives across the hall. I don't feel safe there. She told me I was living like a victim. And I was punishing the family. I cant shake the word now. Victim. I've spent the last five, almost six years trying to live like a survivor, then my own mother tells me I'm living like a victim. How does she have that right?! I'm in danger every time I go home, so instead of going home I stay at school and thrive. I have a great life at school. And that makes me a victim? I hate her for saying that. My six year anniversary is coming up for my rape, so this was the last thing I needed. I need love and support, not awful words to make me doubt myself more than I already do. I cant stop crying. I didn't ask for this. I just want a normal life. This isn't fair. I cant sleep or eat. Its like I'm going through the trauma all over again. And all she had to say was one simple word.

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I kinda know how you feel. My bio dad molested me a few weeks ago and im in foster care and they expect me to go to school down the street from where he lives! Everyone is blaming me and Saying that I chose to have this drama and live this way! if u want to talk personally just let me know

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I am so sorry about your Dad. My sister and parents expect me to go to my sister's wedding with the "uncle" there. Even if he doesn't show up - I don't want to see the aunt who let it happen and the cousins who are in denial. They let him look after their kids (his grandkids) - they cant even face what he did to them and what he still might be doing. Their lives are messed up (depression, abusive husbands etc) and they don't know why - they cannot go to the place that I did. Facing the memories and the pain. I cannot face these people - they won't admit what went on and just because it was 35 years ago doesn't mean it goes away. It will always be a part of me. I can handle the memories better than the disappointment of my family ignoring what happened. I am teacher now - I am so protective of my class and I love those children so much. I cannot understand parents who hurt their kids or don't support them and help them to heal. No-one understands the pain of abuse unless they went through it themselves. We didn't want it to happen and we are not responsible for it happening.

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It wasn't my dad, it was my brother. Still just as awful. No one in my family knows except my mom and dad which makes it even harder. Because then they tell other family members that I don't want to come home without giving them the full story. Its not fair.

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I'm sorry Ashley that you're dealing with this...Sending support your way. You're a very strong young lady! God Bless you!

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I don't know how she has handled what happened to you but it doesn't sound like she handled well. Sounds like she thinks the best way to get past it is to put it behind. Seems to me like she is denying that the evil exists and that she wants you to buy into that philosophy. Sort of like if she acknowledges it then she has to deal with her son. I don't know but from the sounds of it, you are behaving like a survivor. Maybe turn that anger you have right now into energy to celebrate the fact that you were strong enough to make the best decision for you and to stand by it. Thats beyond survivor...that's a thriver... Bravo :-)

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