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I get the impression from others that I have no right to feel emotional about you passing away... so I don't. At least not on the outside anyway. I've bundled it up and squashed it down already because, after all, you were 'only' my neighbour.

Forget the fact that I used to see you most days, sat with you, kept you company, dressed you, shopped for you, did chores for you, ran errands for you... I'm not allowed to feel anything about this because you weren't a member of my family.

And because I do not feel entitled to my own grief part of me has already taken it away and buried it in a place I can't find. It's the most unnatural thing, sitting here feeling quite happy and content when that is not what I feel at all.

You haven't even been dead for a day, but of course, it shouldn't bother me.


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