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A Million Different Emotions.



Today, I feel so many different emotions. The five year mark of my rape is coming up. I dont know how I should feel about this. should I feel sad that five years ago someone I thought I knew took all of my power, control, confidence and peace of mind. Or should I feel empowered to know that ive made it five years without going completely insane. I want to think that im slowly getting better, but lately I feel more depressed then I ever have. I wont be home for this day either, im 8 hours away at school. Its the first year I wont have my mom&dad, and close friends with me to make it all better. My school work is starting to suffer too, which is making me stress even more. I cant focus on anything and it sucks. I finally have the chance to follow my dream and this asshole is once again getting under my skin. On the five year date, Im wanted to get a tattoo to represent what ive gone through as a survivor. But sometimes I wonder if I have the right to call myself a survivor. Im so lost within myself, and I dont know what to do. :cry:


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Hey ash,

I'm so sorry your having a hard time right now. But please know that I can garentee everything you're feeling about the situation and yourself, has been thought by every survivor on this site at some point. It does not make you any less of a survivor, and you should take pride in every emotion you feel, not just the beneficial ones, because each one shows that your fighting against what happened to you making you numb. We all need these bad times, so when a good time comes along, its all the more beautiful. I know its hard to take pride in how your feeling right now, but YOU ARE FEELING, which is basically a big 'f*** you!' to that scumbags attempt at destroying your emotions.

Please try to keep strong, you may not have family around you at this time, but you certainly have a friend :)

Keep me posted! I'm here, whatever you need!


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I just wanted to let you know that you are very strong, even though you don't feel like it right now. The fact that you are on here sharing, letting out some of those painful emotions, shows what strength you have.

And you do have every right to call yourself a survivor!!! I am so proud that you have made it five years since the abuse. That alone gives me hope...I have only made it 3 years and it is so hard some days and I feel like I'll never make it through.

I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through, and how none of your emotions seem to make sense. I feel that way a lot. Please know that I am always here for you, listening, anytime you need me! You are stronger than you think!

Rain <3

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