Today, I feel so many different emotions. The five year mark of my rape is coming up. I dont know how I should feel about this. should I feel sad that five years ago someone I thought I knew took all of my power, control, confidence and peace of mind. Or should I feel empowered to know that ive made it five years without going completely insane. I want to think that im slowly getting better, but lately I feel more depressed then I ever have. I wont be home for this day either, im 8 hours away at school. Its the first year I wont have my mom&dad, and close friends with me to make it all better. My school work is starting to suffer too, which is making me stress even more. I cant focus on anything and it sucks. I finally have the chance to follow my dream and this asshole is once again getting under my skin. On the five year date, Im wanted to get a tattoo to represent what ive gone through as a survivor. But sometimes I wonder if I have the right to call myself a survivor. Im so lost within myself, and I dont know what to do.