AshleyyyRebecca's Blog

I used to be the exact same way and although this is a pain in the ass, it is completely normal!

It got to the point that I didn't work or study, just hid away in my house, having panic attacks at the thought of even just going out for some shopping.

It still does affect me from time to time, but I'm much better prepared for it than I've ever been, and a massive part of that was acceptance. Acceptance of what happened to me, the emotional and physical scars it left me with, and most importantly, acceptance of myself. Once I started to love myself again, and accept that what happened to me wasn't mine or my body's fault, then I became much more confidant in controlling my emotions and anxiety. However it was a long road to come down, so I'd recommend taking small steps at first, perhaps writing about how you feel about yourself. Write how you see yourself, then how you think others see you, and lastly the likelihood that you are actually that way. Once you are able to take the time to think about yourself and situations logically, its a lot easier to not just assume the worst of yourself or the things that will happen.

I often listen to relaxation recordings, to help me focus on my breathing also, when its hard to stop myself getting overwhelmed by the things going on around me.

I really hope this helps x

Oh my goodness...thank you so much for posting this!!! I am the same way. I'm terrified to spend time with friends...even safe ones that I know will not hurt me. I'll go to see them and make an excuse to leave early out of fear. I cut most of my friends out of my life simply because I was too afraid to have them! I wish I had advice to give, as I am still dealing with this myself. I don't want to go on medication either because I feel like it is nothing more than a Bandaid over a wound that requires open surgery, metaphorically.

What helps me with my anxiety, rage, and other emotions is exercise. I run. When I run, I listen to music and think about how angry I am with my attackers and fuel it all into my workout. This helps as long as I'm careful not to overdo it, as I've had a tendency to do so. Writing also helps extraordinarily. I keep a tiny notepad in my purse and every time I'm afraid out in public I'll stop and write how afraid I am and why I'm afraid. That helps me, too. When I'm at a friend's house and don't want them to see, I'll pull out my phone and pretend like I'm texting, but really I'm writing how I'm feeling.

I hope this helps! Thank you for sharing your feelings...it is comforting knowing that I'm not alone.

Rain <3