This is Skye. I know the rules. On to the post already.
My heart hurts. And I am inches away from saying fuck it to the whole goddamn therapy thing. If I had not committed myself to help with Red, I would be fucking out.
It is a very good thing that it's almost a week before we see Aqua next. And a very, very good thing that it is a full week before we see the art T again.
In previous posts and previous places, the art T has been given another name. I will no longer use it. Not for her, not for any other therapist who drifts our way. I don't give a fat damn what the rest of the System does; henceforth I am only calling her by her title.
Because today she all but told me that I am only a symptom.
*working for control*
I took a chance. These hands couldn't keep up with the written dialog she was leading, so I shoved Copper out of the way and took full control of the body. Up 'till that point C had been acting as a filter between me and art T. Smart move...unless you factor in her exhaustion and my smart mouth.
I don't remember the exact words said. I flat out told her that I want...need...to be heard by someone other than the others in my System. We get along well enough; I consider Copper one of my dearest friends. But everybody needs some human support.
Not sure exactly what art T said back...but what I heard was that I am just a splinter of Copper. I'm not a "real" person.
Okay, to a degree that's accurate. Skye-as-a-person split off from Copper when the body was in grade school in a frantic attempt to maintain the child-mind's integrity. Granted, there were many, many breaches already at that point...but I did what I could.
I am my own person!!!!!! I am not an "archetype" of something or another. I know the word, but I am not one.
One thing I do remember her saying, because it felt like a lead ball hitting my guts.... "Do you even know what DID is? You said it, do you claim it?" She offered a definition of DID that is narrower than the one I understand, it did not allow for co-conciousness.
So I guess to Teach.... art T I am not real.
That's okay. I knew she was too good to be real anyhow. No T is that good. No T cares that much.
And no T cares about the Insiders who maybe just started think that they might have a little bit of art talent too.
I DON'T CARE! SHE CAN JUST GO JUMP IN A GODDAMN LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never, ever, ever again. I'll work with Aqua and Red because I have given my word. But no fucking more. No more of this trusting bullshit. I've been burned one too many times. She can shove her pencils and oil pastels where there is no sun.
I will support Copper as long as she chooses to work with *choked sob* her but I will not be present. No fucking more.
I took a chance and she used my goddamn heart as a kickball.
I'm a person, not an archetype.