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Archetype


CopperPhoenix

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This is Skye. I know the rules. On to the post already.

My heart hurts. And I am inches away from saying fuck it to the whole goddamn therapy thing. If I had not committed myself to help with Red, I would be fucking out.

It is a very good thing that it's almost a week before we see Aqua next. And a very, very good thing that it is a full week before we see the art T again.

In previous posts and previous places, the art T has been given another name. I will no longer use it. Not for her, not for any other therapist who drifts our way. I don't give a fat damn what the rest of the System does; henceforth I am only calling her by her title.

Because today she all but told me that I am only a symptom.

*working for control*

I took a chance. These hands couldn't keep up with the written dialog she was leading, so I shoved Copper out of the way and took full control of the body. Up 'till that point C had been acting as a filter between me and art T. Smart move...unless you factor in her exhaustion and my smart mouth.

I don't remember the exact words said. I flat out told her that I want...need...to be heard by someone other than the others in my System. We get along well enough; I consider Copper one of my dearest friends. But everybody needs some human support.

Not sure exactly what art T said back...but what I heard was that I am just a splinter of Copper. I'm not a "real" person.

Okay, to a degree that's accurate. Skye-as-a-person split off from Copper when the body was in grade school in a frantic attempt to maintain the child-mind's integrity. Granted, there were many, many breaches already at that point...but I did what I could.

I am my own person!!!!!! I am not an "archetype" of something or another. I know the word, but I am not one.

One thing I do remember her saying, because it felt like a lead ball hitting my guts.... "Do you even know what DID is? You said it, do you claim it?" She offered a definition of DID that is narrower than the one I understand, it did not allow for co-conciousness.

So I guess to Teach.... art T I am not real.

That's okay. I knew she was too good to be real anyhow. No T is that good. No T cares that much.

And no T cares about the Insiders who maybe just started think that they might have a little bit of art talent too.

I DON'T CARE! SHE CAN JUST GO JUMP IN A GODDAMN LAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never, ever, ever again. I'll work with Aqua and Red because I have given my word. But no fucking more. No more of this trusting bullshit. I've been burned one too many times. She can shove her pencils and oil pastels where there is no sun.

I will support Copper as long as she chooses to work with *choked sob* her but I will not be present. No fucking more.

I took a chance and she used my goddamn heart as a kickball.

I'm a person, not an archetype.

8 Comments


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My heart cried when I read this. So sorry she treated you that way. You deserve better care. I have no other words, just hoping you are ok.

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Skye

I am so sorry that this ever happened. You are entitled to be recognized and treated as a person. I have an Inner Child that sometimes control me and yes she has done some crazy things but, my T recognizes her ability to keep me somewhat sane.

Does Teacher owe you an apology of course, will it happen .... only heaven knows.

I am truly sorry that this has happened.

Alas

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Thank you Feather...I'm all right, I guess. I took a stupid risk that I knew would probably end badly. And it did.

I'm sorry it happened too, Alas. I know she won't apologize, not to me directly. I am, after all, an archetype to her.

Anyhow. I don't need a stupid therapist. I'm more sane than most Outside people I know. Including T's. *deep breath* Thank you both for the kind comments. I appreciate having people who care. And read the rantings of an irate Insider!

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Skye

Until they kick me off of this forum I will always read the rantings of an Irate Insider. I enjoy them immensely you have a fan albeit an outsider fan but a fan.

Alas

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Skye,

That makes me irritated and saddened. All of us need to be acknowledged and loved for who we are. I don't pretend to understand DID, but if you self recognize, to me that makes you a person all unto yourself. My Mother had an alternate that was not nice, but even growing up I recognized two different people.

That woman should NOT be allowed to work with people on such a vulnerable level, she has the bedside manner of a trout!

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...Copper hauled me out of my hiding place to read the comments, and I'm glad she did.

Alas, it's nice to have Outside fans :) I'm glad you enjoy reading what I have to say.

Wolf...your words are very true. I'm sorry you were wounded by your mother's alter. And I'm glad that you are still willing to reach out to a (slightly insane) alter of a person online.

And by the by, the phrase "bedside manner of a trout" made me laugh for the first time in days. Thank you.

Peace to all,

Skye

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Hi Skye, this is Sarah.

This post made me angry along with you. We, the Insiders, have just recently been called not real. I hope that since this post, this has been resolved. We're refusing to believe we're not real.

Co-consciousness still means we're real. All co-consciousness really means is that it's a different degree of dissociation. Am I right?

Anyway, I hope you're doing well.

Take care, Skye

-Sarah

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Thank you, Sarah. Of all people, Aqua intervened in this one. What's more, she volunteered to do so! It would have been interesting to hear that conversation...but whatever the details, everyone involved now knows that Copper C. Phoenix is a multiple who is usually more or less co-conscious. And yes, all that means is that more than one of us can be aware at a time. For instance, Copper is reading this as I type, but I have full control of the body.

Since then, Teacher (see, I'm using her name again) has shaped up. She knows my style vs. Copper's, and has been known to ask what a change in signature means. She even has made jokes! Little, gently funny stuff about kids going grocery shopping (our next stop after art T). And when there's nobody else in the room, she's been known to address "Copper" as y'all.

So yeah, a lot has improved since this post.

Peace out,

Skye

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