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I Can't Handle It



This is my first blog and I need to get myself back in control. A good friend triggered me last week, he has no idea that he had. I didn't realise that it would trigger me but it did. Now I'm anxious all the time! I can't calm down. I'm remembering things from my ex that I don't want to. I just want it to go away. My ex-husband did this over 20 years ago. I kept it put away until this past summer, then I had a semi breakdown but I put it away again. Now this, it triggered me so bad. I can't put it away. My friend is upset because he hurt me by triggering me. I need to make this right again. I need to put it away until I can deal with it. I'm having nightmares, things are scaring me that never did before, I'm angry and can't stop myself!!! (I'm lashing out not physically) I want to push my friend away but he never leaves. He stays not matter what I say or do. I don't like hurting him but I can't help it. Can anyone offer advise?


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For me, I feel that "Putting away" the past doesn't work. I continue to experience triggers in everyday life. I'm at the point where I feel that I need to purposefully remember, rationalize, and accept as unacceptable.

If your friend is a trigger maybe an open dialogue starting with general information and hen sharing your feelings will help lessen the feelings that contribute to your trigger.

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I took your advise. I talked to my friend. What happened is, he put a post on tumblr. He thought it was funny until I mentioned that it reminded me of something my ex had done. (What was said in the post) He apologized profusely. It wasn't his fault, I hadn't told him everything. He didn't know and I had no idea that the post would trigger me so badly.

We talked and I told him everything. I was so scared that he would leave, not understand, hate me, be disgusted by me but he stayed. He is the only person who knows my whole story. I trust him with my life. I can't lie to him. After I told him everything, he asked if I was alright or feeling better. I told him that I thought I would self harm. Not in a bad way, but my fingers are pretty chewed up because of my anxiety. I put hand sani on them earlier & the pain was there. I was going to do it again but he begged me to not do anything. I promised not to & I will keep the promise.

I do feel better knowing that he really does understand me. But I also feel dirty. I feel like the water can't get hot enough to remove all the dirt. So I guess what I'm getting at is thank you for the advise because I feel better now.

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