Hi guys, I don't have anything creative from my high school angsty days to put up today. Rather re-reading those poems has brought about a bit of a painful revelation. I'm NOT alright. I'm not crazy, or broken, suicidal... I don't know what I am. I can't identify any emotion in myself at all. My wife says this isn't how she feels ever, she knows if she is happy, content, sad, angry, vulnerable, hurt etc.... I don't have a clue how to define what or how I am feeling from one moment to the next. Unless I'm raging, that one is hard to miss.
Am I living my life, or am I watching it go by? How many experiences have I missed, emotions and sensations have I avoided thinking I was doing the responsible or mature thing? Am I happy, content? if I'm not happy or content what can I do about it? how would those actions affect the people closest to me, the ones that I trust and that trust me. Could I curtail their happiness in search of my own?
I have so many questions today that I didn't have yesterday, and I have no answers. Couldn't even begin to say where to look to find answers. This is miserable. It's weighing down my normal optimism. Is there anything I can do?