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06/11

forestmistheather

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TW

Today I feel out of control. My feelings are just below the surface again and I'm barely keeping them in check. I so want to cry, to scream, to yell, throw something, get angry, get justice, but then I can't - it's like I have something within me that provents me from doing any of those things, and justice will never happen. All I feel is uncontrolable pain directed towards myself, total feelings of self loathing, worthlessness, humiliation, powerlessness and lack of control. My heads pounding right now and I feel sick. I've been shaking all day, and I don't know how I made it to the high street and back to post a letter. I've been making phonecalls too, but everyone has been so difficult - my voice has been shaking. I had a body memory last night for the first time in a few months. I think that's really shaken me today, though things have been getting worse for a while now. I bought myself a costas (expensive coffee, though I had hot chocolate) whilst out to cheer myself up - didn't really work, but was worth a go. Anyway, maybe tomorrow will be better.

Forest x



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Forest,

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time today. I know it's hard to do, but try to take a step back and be a bit easier on yourself during days like today. All of these feelings are going to come and go on the healing process. If there's something you really enjoy to do, perhaps sit down and do whatever that is to try and let your emotions out in a healthier, and even more productive way. (Hugs) If that's okay. I understand what you're going through. No matter how scary it is, you're not alone.

BrokenRoots

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