I feel lazy and sad today. The longer I go on without any structure in my life, the worse I feel. I just don't feel able to function, or to pick myself up AGAIN. Every time I do, I just get knocked back down. I don't want to keep going, round and round and round the same old cycle. I'd rather just spend my time indoors by myself where it's safe. I just don't want to get up and carry on this time. Why is everything just so much hard work? Life is so complecated at the moment. I need something to go right for me, just one thing. I don't feel anything much when I'm alone, which is good on the one level but becomes frustrating after a whilst. But then put me in a crowd / host of ppl, particularly though I know or in authority - and I'll be triggered. It's the exact time that i don't want my feeling to come to the surface that they do. I don't seem to be able to do normal everyday stuff, with out freaking out or it at least causing me a lot of problems. Well I'm done in. And I've barely done anything as usual. I've not even left the house today, and I even had a rest part way through the day. I'm just so unproductive. Never mind.