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EMDR Episode 2: My Earliest Memory


asparkofcourage

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Earliest Memory: Walking on the concrete foundation for my future home and falling backwards.  My mom coming to pick me up.   

Age: 3-4

Distressing Level: 0

Theme: A push and pull between wanting a normal mother and wanting her out of my life.  

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Bilateral Movement 1

Mom coming to pick me up.  Everything was blurry because of my poor vision.  

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Bilateral Movement 2

A dream I had of my mom looking at me from across the hallway.  She had red eyes and looked like a demon.  

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Bilateral Movement 3

My mom and I sitting on the couch watching Opera.  She was talking to a sexual abuse victim.  Mom said "If anything like that happens to you, tell me." 

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Bilateral Movement 4

(POV from corner of room) Dad in his chair not looking at me.   Mom looking at me angrily.  Looking at myself on the other couch in shadow.  Can't see her face. 

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Bilateral Movement 5

Me on my bed talking on the black cordless phone with a friend.  I say "They didn't believe me." 

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Bilateral Movement 6

I think that is when I wanted to hang myself.

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Bilateral Movement 7

(Back to original memory) 

Picking out my carpet for my new room.  Chose a pink/burgundy color.  

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Bilateral Movement ????

I can't remember the order of the rest of the memories.  But here's a list. 

Being outside in the woods, Brother may have hurt me in the woods, a make shift ladder to help me into the trees, 

my brothers jumping in and out of my room to make me laugh, me getting stuck on top of my dresser and mom helping me down, 

Only hearing "I hate my mom.", 

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Story: My vision was awful and undiagnosed at that age so everything was so blurry.  I'm walking on the concrete and I suddenly fall onto my back.

I'm looking at the sky and seeing blurry trees.  My mom who looks like a shadow comes to me and picks me up.  

Dream: I came out of my room to see my mother at the other end of the hallway looking like a demon.  I'd sway in and out of my doorway and she would be there

each time.   Her eyes following me.  

There was no resolution for this session.  I sealed up all of the unresolved feelings in a trunk to reopen at the next session.  

2 Comments


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@asparkofcourage i read both of your emdr blog entries. i think it's helpful for me since i'm trying to find an available and suitable emdr practitioner to begin this process. i think these entries are a good example of how a session can unfold and also insightful about how our minds work.

 

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On 6/28/2023 at 12:07 PM, Sleepographer said:

@asparkofcourage i read both of your emdr blog entries. i think it's helpful for me since i'm trying to find an available and suitable emdr practitioner to begin this process. i think these entries are a good example of how a session can unfold and also insightful about how our minds work.

 

I really didn't expect my mind to link so many events together! It's pretty fascinating.  Good luck on your journey! 

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