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EMDR Episode 1: The Bee's Knees


asparkofcourage

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Event Chosen to Focus on: Being stung by yellow jackets when I was 4-5.  54 bee stings. 

Distressing Level 1-10 : 4

Worst Image: Me sitting in a bathtub naked in cold water alone crying and in pain

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  1

My mom left me in the tub alone and told one of my brothers to watch me.  There is a bee in the window.  I'm terrified of it. I scream to my brother to kill it. Help me. He doesn't move and just stares at me.  I'm crying for help. He doesn't help me.  

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  2

Mom came back and picked me up out of the tub

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  3

Two memories appear. Can't decipher which memory comes first.  Being at the doctors office in my underwear/standing in the kitchen in my underwear as my mom puts medicine on my bee stings.

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  4

Paternal Grandfather killed the bees nest.

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  5

Paternal Grandfather bought me candy and stuffed animals on Valentines Day.

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  6

Paternal Grandfather is a pedophile. 

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  7

(Focus back to the original memory-Therapist) Brother not helping me. 

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  8

My two brothers not helping me as I was being molested by the third brother.  Made eye contact with a brother before the blanket was put on me.  Silently pleading for help.  They did not help me.  

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  9

Wanting better communication with youngest brother.

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  10

Felt like youngest brother hated me when we were younger. 

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  11

Youngest brother is a lot nicer to me now that he knows about my being abused. 

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  12

I learned how to take care of myself by myself. 

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  13

I'm Worthy

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  14

I'm worth of happiness. 

Bilateral Movement/Focusing on Memory :  15

I'm going to be okay. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

End of Session

Distressing Level 1-10: 1

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Full Story: I was outside with my 2 brothers, mom and dog.  I was trailing behind my brothers when they yell and take off.  I didn't run and my dog started digging at the ground.  Felt sharp pains all over my legs and the dog took off.  I start screaming and my mom runs to me.  She picks me up and takes me closer to the house.  We fall on the ground and she takes off all my clothes.  Picks me up again and runs me inside and puts me in a bath of cold water.  Tells my third brother to watch me.  She goes outside to find my other brothers and the dog.  A bee was trying to get out of the bathroom and was flying at the window.  I scream and cry for my brother to help me and kill it.  He does nothing.  (I'm not angry about that anymore.  He wasn't much older than I was. I understand what I'm actually upset about now.) Mom comes back and wraps me in a towel.  BLACK.  I'm in a car partially dressed wrapped in a blanket.  BLACK.  Standing on a scale next to a doctor in a shirt and panties.  I'm shaking uncontrollably.  BLACK. At home in the kitchen in those same clothes, shaking and my mom is putting medicine and counting my stings. (54!) I'm not crying anymore or upset.  BLACK.  Paternal Grandpa comes and kills the nest.  (Dog is okay :) )  BLACK. My brothers and I camp out in the living room.  I cry silently because I confuse the popcorn ceiling for bees.  Fall asleep afraid.  BLACK.  I'm crying and running to my mom in her bedroom from my bedroom holding a shoe.  A dead bee is in there and mom takes it out for me and tells me its okay.  Its dead.  Won't hurt me.  Checks my other shoe too.  No bees in that one.  End of Story. 

I was told I was afraid of anything that flew or buzzed for years.   It surprised me that with that one event, my brain would connect it with my sexual abuse.  Though it makes sense.  Naked, afraid and in pain as a 5 year old with my brother not helping me.... when else did that happen? Oh yeah when I was being molested 5 feet away from him just 3-4 years later. And they did nothing.  Either they didn't know or didn't understand what was happening to me.  I guess the grandfather thing popped up because he was the person who made my home safer, but I'm having a hard time know what he did to my Aunt.  Or wondering if he was trying to groom me with all those presents on Valentines day.  He did that up until I was 16.  I don't know. There still so much I don't remember and its scary, but I'm figuring it out.  It's all in the past anyways. No matter what I discover, I know I'm going to be okay.  

 

 

 

Edited by asparkofcourage

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