Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. By Lindsay Gibson PsyD.
This book hit home for me. It gave me a lot of tips for dealing with the future talk I will have with my parents and showing me the unhealthy relationship that we have with each other. The biggest take away from this book is me realizing the healing fantasy I have for my parents. I act a certain way for my parents in hope that they will acknowledge and take care of me. I need to understand that with immature parents this is impossible. It doesn't help me to change who I am in order to been seen by people who will never see me. I also need to emotionally detach myself from that idea so I can have a relationship with them that doesn't cause me pain or give unrealistic expectations. Because in my entire 32 years of life, I have never been able to have a relationship with my parents, why would that change now? I'm only causing myself a disservice because I'm trying to be someone I'm not. I'm not religious. I'm bisexual (which is something I could never tell my parents). I have to dissociate around family to avoid feeling scared or uncomfortable, because of the man that abused me. I feel like I don't even recognize myself when I'm around them. There was even a paragraph talking about how certain siblings can get away with being bad. For example, the *sexual abuse of siblings* because the parents aren't emotionally capable to deal with it. MY ENTIRE LIFE STORY SUMMED UP IN 8 SENTENCES. I mean honestly how can parents not notice their son sexually abusing their own daughter in their own house for YEARS?? And then when I tried to tell them, I was brushed aside. And then to have that reinforced by my cousin saying the same thing??? The denial in these people are strong. I mean honestly. So this conversation I'm going to have with my parents for not listening to me is going to be directly influenced by the tips in this book. And its okay to not feel guilty for taking your parents out of your life. I will not expect my parents to react or give me the validation that I need. I will take comfort in the fact that I said my peace and I have enough to give myself what I need.