I feel like my life is just going through motions every day. I’m pretty depressed today. The thoughts of SH are ever present. It makes me want to scream.
is it horrible to say I want to scream by cutting because I don’t know how else to speak?
im afraid to go to therapy and tell him (my T) this. And therapy is so fucking expensive.
it’s All I wanna do but I know it does nothing. I feel like somewhat of a failure for not self harming…like…it sounds so backwards…I have the thoughts. The thoughts go on and on, on repeat. I think part of me thinks I deserve to be tormented…if not, why couldn’t I just stop this?! Or at the very least, self harm and get some relief…
*END of TRIGGER
i took one of my moms klonopin. So maybe I can sleep and my mind calms down.